To have been pulled by DVD must have been an unforgettable experience in total police professionalism with rigorous adherence to the finest points of relevant law, along with irrefutable and detailed case references to support one's miserable road behaviour resulting in the pull. I'm rather sorry it never happened to me. Surely any prosecution DVD initiated must have received a rubber stamp from the CPS on the basis it would be a "must win" based on impeccable research.
Without doubt, after the initial stomach-churning part, the right response would have been to confess guilt - what other course?- and savour the encounter for its sheer exquisiteness of performance, like a fine opera or a brilliant legal disquisition, doubtless leavened with that unique constabular acerbic wit ("Been driving long, have we Madam?" etc).
The "pulled" must surely have gone away not merely humbled, but also improved by the experience. (One might venture that's one of the things policing is about, or at least used to be).
I think it's time the "DVD Files" were assembled and published for the enlightenment of the ignorant motorist as Volume 2 of the Highway Code.
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And here was me thinking you were going to share with us your fool-proof chat up line/technique!
I\'m a loser, baby....so why don\'t you kill me?!
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Bit different here: "Sorry officer, can I "treat you to breakfast"? :-0
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Yep, love the Third World "buy you some lunch?" mentalilty.
Some of our local boys in blue recently got caught in a sting, where they would offer to look the other way, if the 'offender' bought them lunch.
A few weeks later, the local Kentucky Fried was complaining at the amount of custom they had lost, following the suspansion of the bent coppers!
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Some may recall the last post from The Riverbank ended with Mole on the floor blotto, much to Badgers disgust.
Next morning Mole, whilst Badger was enjoying his soldiers of toast and mug of tea, Mole came into the Breakfast Room, sat down, put his head in his hands and uttered a cry like a young heifer giving birth to a rather large bull calf and issued those immortal words we all know so well. ?Oohhhhh never again Badge.?
?Cheer up? replied Badger not unsympathetically, ?there?s a bit on the box from that chap Growler, you know him the Shakespeare of the Far East, about wanting to be pulled by DVD.?
Mole screwed up his nose and replied ? How disgusting. Where is he from??
?Thighland? retorted Badger.
?Explains a lot,? said Mole knowingly.
?As I was saying? commenced Badger, ? old DVD wasn?t much cop when he first joined the RAF Police but patrolling the naughty areas of Singapore in the mid 50?s in those lovely Mark 1 go anywhere Landrovers started to get a liking for driving and Plodmanship, so when he came out he joined the real Plods and managed to get on Traffic. There he came across two Sergeants who had an intimate knowledge of The Luure and taught him that if he was going to nail anybody then he should use 6 inchers as opposed to carpet tacks. Hence much burning of the midnight oil to get The Knowledge, which could be used incidentally to get people off charges for under the Law there is sometimes something elsewhere that contradicts what is first said and this is why the legal profession make a good living and PU can drive around in a Beemer and Ninety. He was a funny old burgher but a stickler in having an honest approach to his paper work and tried as he mounted the rungs to instill this in his crew.?
?Oh so he was a right pain in the hearse then? said Mole.
?Not at all? said Badger disapprovingly, ?To the contrary. One weekend he put a Triumph police Motorcycle in his Chief Inspector?s Office because he gibed out of a race with DVD on two wheels up to Scotch Corner and back. Likewise with an Invalid Chair and other things that cannot be said in the presence of Christians?
?So where is all this leading?? asked Mole starting to get bored.
Badger replied, ? Well the crux of all this is that if you own and drive a motor car then you become one of the most regulated persons in Society and can, unless you know what the law says, be picked off like a carcass to a flock of vultures and sometime illegally so it is in you own interest to get to know Traffic law like DVD did. As to pulling Growler DVD would I suspect like nothing better but on one condition. That it is with Growlette over a glass of the amber falling down liquid in the balmy paradise of the Far East. Now where you going Mole??
?I?m off to buy some Law books for Toad, he needs them now he is into motor cycles as well as cars and has time on his hands through not posting? retorted Mole over his shoulder as he ran out of the house
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I rest my case, and retire in sheer awe LOL.
DVD has proved what I always suspected: behind the stern facade of diligent law enforcment there lurks an impish streak.
I think I have been out-Shakespeared in this instance and would show myself to be less than a gentleman if I did not so admit.
We shall be pleased to shout plentiful amber nectar served bitterly cold by charming acolytes for visitors to our Republic in any number of effusively hospitable establishments. Any visitor is going to need a few after a tour of traffic conditions and driver behaviour.
(Sorry in advance) It always amuses me when someone indignantly posts how they were cut up at a roundabout by a chap in a BMW last night. Every time I throw a leg over (one of the bikes) or slide behind the wheel I am in for a death-defying, logic-free, lawless driving experience every 2-300 metres.
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