I find yoga has been very good for my driving.. more self awareness helps me to control my temper.
As for some drivers, they clearly lose any self control when behind a wheel ... Anger mangement courses or yoga or religion or some study of self would help them greatly I think..
madf
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I go along with controlling anger when driving and its laudable that some contributors to this thread are so tolerant. But perhaps we can look at it from another perspective.
Personally I hate all forms of bullying and ill-mannered behaviour and where possible try to make a stand against it. From school onwards we(males) are taught to stand up to bullies and I suggest, as a policy, it works.
The tailgating, undertaking style of aggressive driving we encounter on our roads is no different to bullying. So it is certainly not my style to "move over and let tailgaters pass" or make room for someone who has raced up the bus lane to cut in front of me.
Perhaps if we all meekly pulled over for intimidating tailgaters and didn't object to being cut up, we would encourage more drivers to adopt these bullying tactics.
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"Perhaps if we all meekly pulled over for intimidating tailgaters and didn't object to being cut up, we would encourage more drivers to adopt these bullying tactics"
The moron who tailgated me this week (on Xmas eve) is not going to be long for this world.. 3 metres behind me at 30mph. I slowed to 20 at the narrow spots (in town) and he looked as if he would have heart attack.
Give way? No.. I'll slow the barstewards down...in the interests of their own safety of course:-)
madf
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I agree that our reaction to situations depends upon our mood. I have to admit that I have done my bit of winding up aggressive drivers: slowing down for tailgaters, closing gap on undertakers etc. However, I realise it doesn't help! I recognise that this is not always the best way of dealing with these issues and at times I am more tolerant than at others.
Given that I am like this, it is obvious that the agressive one is most likely too. That's where we ought to be careful. Who knows when we might have picked a fight with someone who is prepared to take things too far!
Splodgeface
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Splodgeface,
"That's where we ought to be careful. Who knows when we might have picked a fight with someone who is prepared to take things too far!"
Without getting into a semantic argument, I submit that you haven't 'picked a fight' if you refuse to be intimidated; also appeasement rarely works.
That said I am certainly not critical of those who feel it is not worth the hassle, however my reaction is different.
C
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Cardew
You have a very good point here.
However there are more ways than one to serve notice that aggresive behaviour will not be tolerated.
On one occasion the offender was driving a vehicle with the name of a large local company on the side. I simply memorised the reg and telephone number and rang that company.
I spoke to the company owner who thanked me for the information and agreed to take the matter up with the employee concerned. Should that employee receive a number of similar complaints, then the company should review this individual's position. After all, the company have a legal obligation under the Health and Safety at Work Act to ensure that all practical measures are taken to ensure the safety of the general public.
If this is not a feasable route, then there is always a phone call to old bill. As I have found out, a statement is rarely necessary and they will interview the agressor.
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I would have to disagree with Cardew. Whilst I would go along with not being intimidated by bullies in the normal way when coming up against them face to face, it's a different scenario on the road.
I have never been able to walk away from any confrontation in life when faced with threats or abuse when it is only a man doing this. But responding in a motor vehicle could lead to injury, loss of life etc to non-involved people and it would be difficult to live with this afterwards.
In a normal days motoring you could come up against the kind of things we hate half a dozen times and if we retaliated in kind the odds are that sooner or later an accident with it's consequences is going to happen.
IMHO stay cool and let it all go over the top of your head. In time this becomes normal and you hardly notice it happening.
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>Without getting into a semantic argument, I submit that you >haven't 'picked a fight' if you refuse to be intimidated.
Cardew I agree wholeheartedly, but my point is that you cannot guarantee that the other driver will agree! There's no time for clever argument and reasoning as a tailgater when the driver in front won't get out the way. As far as the tailgater is concerned, you, the barrier, are a provocative pest. If they've just had a row with the other half or a hard day at the office, who knows how they might react.
You can only take these things so far, and I don't have enough of a gripe to go on a crusade against these bullies.
Splodgeface
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Cardew. Ahh, a bit of psychology is called for. If there is a cretin behind you the safest option for you is to get rid of him. (It usually is a him.) How best to do that? Easy. Let him pass, zoom off, and crash elsewhere when you are not around. Then you can have a nice pleasant cretin free drive. Of course it also helps to adopt a condescending and pious 'look at that idiot, tsk tsk' mode.
Long live Darwinism amd the miracle of natural selection.
Leif.
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Leif,
You and I are approaching the problem differently.
IMHO what you advocate, under the guise of psychology, as the safest option is shorthand for the easiest option. You are passing the problem on for someone else to deal with and indirectly encouraging such driving. Whilst few of us enjoy confrontation, sometimes it is necessary.
However leaving out the moral niceties, it personally causes me far more stress if I acquiesce to unjust demands rather than stand up for what I believe is correct.
C
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Nowt to do with bullying, but today, I came closer to having a major smash-up than I have ever done before. Driving along pretty deserted main road this pm, within 40mph speed limit, car just pulled right out in front of me from a side road. It was only my quick slamming on of brakes that enabled me to stop just before slamming into the woman's car. (thank god I didn't overindulge in the Xmas spirit last night or my reaction might have been slower!)
My anger management skills failed me, they don't usually. I didn't do anything stupid, but have been apologising ever since to my kids (who were with me in the car) for the loud and very expletive language that suddenly emerged from my voicebox towards the said other female driver (who incidentally appeared to be mouthing the same sort of stuff to me!)- my youngest has never heard such words from my lips and I did feel guilty! Don't think they'll be traumatised for life though!
HF
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hf, its quite normal to lose ones rag every now and then. I can think of plenty of similar situations where I have gone hopping mad in front of my wife and son. It isn't something I feel proud of. What does worry me is that there are people out there who don't seem to get bothered by poor drivers and claim they can remain calm at ALL times. I've never met one other than on these pages!
Splodgeface
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I don't recall anyone saying they remain calm at ALL times, just that that is the best and safest option to aspire to. The red mist can descend on us all, just count to 10 and let 'em go. Works (nearly!) every the time.
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It's true that I don't drive so much these days but when I do I refuse to get too stressed out. Yes I may mutter the odd obscenity and if some idiot is driving too close I may slow down but that's as far as it goes.
It's true that many of the idiots seem to reserve their most inconsiderate and aggressive behaviour for when they're behind the wheel. I think it's a combination of feeling insultated and protected from the outside world which accounts for it.
Nothing good can ever come out of a confrontation between angry motorists - a serious accident, assault or even worse is more likely to be the end result so the best thing is not to get involved, just let it go. Life's too short after all !
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Spot on Volvo.. What else can you do.
Perhaps let the idiot pass you and then tailgate him?.
Put your foot down and turn it into a race?.
As you say a muttered curse and let it go.
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Yes, could not agree more and would add that any conflict taking place on the road can so easily end up involving completely blameless and unconnected third parties.
IMHO everyone gets angry on the road at some stage but it is all about anger management and avoiding conflict.
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It is of course perfectly possible to refuse to be intimidated by tailgaters or willingly let someone cut you up AND still remain calm yourself.
C.
PS
I hope the vicar doesn't "phone ahead"whilst driving!!!
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HJ that is Spot On.
That is the kind of mind set that I should like to aspire to.
Also there is nothing like more serious events to put the everyday trivia into perspective.
Just last May bank holiday, I was having a bad day and found out that a non fault accident (occurred Nov 2001) was going to turn into a fault accident for me and I then I heard that 2 people were killed on the M5. There was just no comparison.
Thanks for your post HJ and a happy new year!
H
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Brings to mind a recent saying I heard - was it on here?
"Better late in this world than early in the next..."
I've thought of that many times since hearing it - worth everyone remembering it!
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"Better late in this world than early in the next..."
Exactly the same meaning, smokie, as something that I say a lot - 'I'd rather get there late than not get there at all'.
HF
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or just plain old:
"better late than never..."
Any other versions?
Splodgeface
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It is a pity that nowdays the rear of cars is a crumple zone.
The best deterrent would be an RSJ bolted to the back of the car, one touch of the brakes and the tailgater has no front end.
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In Manila, a Glock 9mm in the glovebox is a great tension-reliever, nice warm feeling of "well,I could've but I didn't" :-)
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Oh how I have tried and tried to remain calm on the road ... but alas, I loose my patience all to often!
And I honestly do not know why! I have been known in my day-to-day life to have a nip of a temper ;-) in fact, when that certain cycle time comes around ... I could quite happily gnarl my wonder husband's head off, with a smile! But my day-to-day life is usually quite calm.
However, I get very very angry when im driving and someone does a stupid thing! Fast drivers, slow drivers, dangerous manourvres, sloppy parking etc etc. makes my blood boil: I swear, glare and tootle off with a huff. (I swear very badly, Im afraid.) I do this on motorways and around the village; Sunday Drivers make me so angry!
And I should not do this! Since I have vastly increased the mileage I do on motorways recently, my attitude in the car has not changed, however. I let cars in, I do the little indicator dance to say thanks to those behind, Im courteous and leave a good 3 seconds distance between me and the next car, but I get very hot under the collar if someone acts like a todger!
I have absolutely no idea why this is the case and I do need to relax more. But some people really need to learn how to drive!!!! ;-)
Patricia
x
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"some people really need to learn how to drive!!!!"
possibly - maybe even probably.
HOWEVER - the safest approach is to EXPECT them to be idiots,
and to RELAX.
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Cardew.
What I advocate is definitely not the easiest option! It took me months to learn to stay calm and not retaliate when faced with dangerous and/or aggressive driving. Safety is paramount. It is not cowardice or laziness to avoid confrontation when in the car.
How can my retaliating do any good? (They are such poor drivers that they are unaware that their behaviour is bad.) As for car wars, nahhh. Life is too short.
Anyway, happy driving! Leif.
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Leif,
I was certainly not advocating retaliation in any way - I do not define retaliation as a refusal to be bullied.
It is also perfectly possible to refuse to be intimidated and remain cool and calm while doing so.
C
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Cardew. Glad to hear it. I certainly don't allow myself to be intimidated either. Leif.
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Leif,
The typical example of tailgating occurs when you are in a queue of traffic in the outside lane and wanting to go faster yourself.
The point I was making is that if you move over, when you do not want to, because of a tailgater you are being intimidated, bullied, call it what you want.
I am not saying those who feel it is not worth the hassle are wrong, merely that I don't. Also having intimidated one driver into submission they move on to the next one.
C
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Some years ago in fairly heavy on the North Circular Road, driving round to my grandfather's house at Ealing, some daft idiot was taking pleasure in coming up fast behind each car and braking at the last minute to tailgate them.
A mile or so later I had to undertake him on the inside coming up to a set of traffic lights.
He was stopped in the outside lane with the front of his car impaled into the rear of some innocent.
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Some years ago in fairly heavy on the North Circular Road, driving round to my grandfather's house at Ealing, some daft idiot was taking pleasure in coming up fast behind each car and braking at the last minute to tailgate them. A mile or so later I had to undertake him on the inside coming up to a set of traffic lights. He was stopped in the outside lane with the front of his car impaled into the rear of some innocent.
....and a nice warm "told you so" feeling came on all over you I bet! :-)
Happy new year!
H
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The last two days saw me driving my recently acquired van along the windy westcountry lanes and the A390 that runs between St Austell and Liskeard in Cornwall.
This Renault Trafic van is fitted with a non turbo 2.1L diesel that as the acceleration of a snail.
I found that cars getting stuck behind me was an occupational hazard. When I could not go fast I regularly pulled over to let cars go by, but even when I couldn't drivers did seem to be more tolerent.
This was either because they knew I could not go any faster or that they were not man enough to take me on! Or Maybe one doesn't notice tailgating so much in a van that size.
There were a few of the usual cases where people overtook close to blind bends but all I had to do was to slow up a bit to reduce the chap's chances of having an accident. I also prepared myself to brake more abruptly should I have needed to. After all, I don't give a damn about the person overtaking me, it's the innocent party coming the other way that I would worry about.
I noticed a distinct lack of a need to keep up with the flow of traffic, because I knew that any attempt along certain stretches of road would be futile.
So, if anyone has a problem with other car drivers - buy a similar vehicle. You feel well protected, you don't give a damn and your lack of ability to keep up the speed on these country lanes exhonerates you from becoming a target for these idiots.
H
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