....anyone else as bad as me? - THe Growler
....at misplacing keys? Mine have a little hook thing to attach to my belt, there is a hook on the wall in my small office for them, I practiced the discipline of leaving them in the same place (cf How to Deal With Memory and Age -- all good booksellers £7.99), and once again today I STILL can't find them. They have to be here somewhere, I used them to open the door last night when I came in (door keys on same ring as car), now can I find them? Can I hell.

Lately the housemaid has retrieved them from such unlikely places as the top of the cage of my aviary, underneath my Harley,
(huh?), the guest bathroom (don't even remember going in there), the loung room sofa and the top of the fridge in the kitchen.

Whatever happend to those little things you could use to track your keys via a bleeping noise? Mind you if I had one of them I'd probably lose that too........
....anyone else as bad as me? - PhilW
"I used them to open the door last night when I came in (door keys on same ring as car)"

still in the front door lock?? I have a nasty habit of doing this!!!
....anyone else as bad as me? - THe Growler
LOL PhilW, yup me too, first place I looked. Eventually they showed up in a place where I couldn't possibly have put them (natch). Housemaid (crossing herself) said no sir never I touch your car keys it must be the spirits in the house (She's a provincial lass and no she's not referring to the drinkable kind).

San Mig can indeed often be a cause here as Roger suggests, carrying a case under each arm with a serious thirst on whilst struggling to lock a car and open a front door can impair the concentration....

Miss Philippines as usual laughing her pretty little head off at the fuming of an ageing porriner. I have a pair of reading glasses in just about every room in the house and still there's never a pair to hand when I need 'em. And then there's my cellphone where the hell did I put that? That's easy, just dial the thing. Growlette says it's in my bag along with your spare glasses and spare keys.......

There's a common phrase in Tagalog which broadly translates as "see how you are?" used in a slightly derogatory sense. I find myself increasingly on the receiving and increasingly in the case of car keys.

Coming from a female woman of the opposite sex it carries nuances like "how would you live without me", "let me drive, you've had too much to drink" (no problem with that), "remember that new CK perfume I was telling you about........". "wow Dadi you should see Rose's new cellphone......."

Anyway I am a sure-fire customer for several of those tracker devices if I can ever find one.

I am somewhat relieved to find I wasn't flamed and a few posters sort of shared a similar problem.

Now then, I've got a very nice Wynne's Bin 444 Claret here waiting to grace my best Italian crystal, and I'll be damned if I can find the corkscrew. Ah, I know, the ever faithful Swiss Army knife. I know I had it somewhere.............

....anyone else as bad as me? - L'escargot
Whatever happend to those little things you could use to track
your keys via a bleeping noise? Mind you if I had
one of them I'd probably lose that too........

After years of driving a Harley, you probably wouldn't be able to hear the bleep anyway!
L'escargot by name, but not by nature.
....anyone else as bad as me? - malteser
It's called the "too much San Mig." syndrome :)
Roger in Spain
....anyone else as bad as me? - Morris Ox
My wife.

She calls it organisation, I call it 'Where are my ****** keys? Where on earth have they go to?! I can't find the **** things. I was sure I left them on the table/with the papers/in my pockets/in the bathroom/in the hall...I can't have lost them...somebody must've moved them...I'm going to be late...stomp, stomp, stomp...mutter, mutter, mutter

Somebody has moved them. They're with all the other keys by the door.

What a daft place to put them...
....anyone else as bad as me? - L'escargot
On one occasion, I was due to take my old car in and collect my new car from the dealer. I carefully separated my car keys from my other keys, and tied a label with the car registration written on onto the car keys. Just as I was about to leave the house, I realised that I couldn't find the car keys anywhere. I rang the salesman who tut-tutted a lot but who finally offered to bring my new car to my house in his lunch hour. Obviously he knew how to get into my old car, and would be able to drive it away. I didn't query whether his methods would involve any dubious practices. I was just happy for him to be able to solve my problem. I then decided to retrace my steps, as it were, of the previous half-hour. Finally I found the keys ~ in the pedal bin together with some last-minute rubbish! When I rang the salesman again, my face was as red as my new car. Fortunately by the time I reached the dealer I had composed myself and was able to carry out the remainder of the swap with a modicum of dignity.
L'escargot by name, but not by nature.
....anyone else as bad as me? - Adam {P}
Not quite lost; they were in full view but it's still funny:

....anyone else as bad as me? - nick
I'm getting these 'senior moments' too. Amazing how my wife can find what I'm looking for in a place I've already looked. I suppose eventually life will become one long senior moment and I'll buy a Micra and a cloth cap.
....anyone else as bad as me? - Algernon
It's not so much keys as tools. I only have to put one down and it seemingly vanishes from the face of the earth. This is unlike the chaps I used to see in the paddock at Ingliston, who could unfailingly chuck a spanner back in the right box and immediately retrieve another wanted one.

It's not old age, by the way; my mother used to moan about my never being able to keep track of anything, from tender years.

You got it, or you ain't!
....anyone else as bad as me? - THe Growler
....ah, we have the beginnings of a mutual support group. Ever searched for your mole grips or a Philips screwdriver in that vital moment when you really really need it but despite your rummagings through your shambolic toolbox both items are singularly distinguished by their lack of presence, yet every other conceivable tool needed to put a man on the Moon except the one you want is readily to hand?

Then, and this is the hard part, having exhausted your entire vocabulary of invective (several times), your partner coolly and calmly appears with said item: "is this what you're looking for? you left it in the kitchen drawer......"

Another thing: why is insulating tape always easily locatable until the precise moment you need it? And what happened to my spare fuses? I keep buying card-fuls of them only to find they have fallen into some abyss when I need them, yet they appear in abundance when I don't.

......as for the tube of Loctite I bought yesterday, now then I know I had it somewhere........

......time for a tincture.


....anyone else as bad as me? - Anglesey Ian

What was your housemaid doing underneath your Harley...

...or shouldn't I ask ?

....anyone else as bad as me? - teabelly
I think insulating tape is able to occupy more than one universe. Whenever you try and find it jumps into a parallel one so you can't see it. I have bought rolls and rolls of the stuff and I can't find any of it. I also find polishing cloths also manage to do this. I have plenty of normal polish but nothing to apply it to the car with.

I bought my Dad one of those key ring finder thingies. He had to take it off his keys as normal conversation would make it squeak and it annoyed him more than not being able to find his keys!

....anyone else as bad as me? - Dynamic Dave
Whatever happend to those little things you could use to track
your keys via a bleeping noise? Mind you if I had
one of them I'd probably lose that too........

One of these you mean?


....anyone else as bad as me? - THe Growler
Splendid DD and many thanks. I have two on order already and will pick 'em up when I visit UK in July. Truly a boon to those who occupy a significantly advanced position on life's great curve (hope that is PC enough to avoid mentioning anything about anno domini).

My very vocal pair of cockatiels with their whistling will probably keep them busy. Growlette with a resigned sigh meanwhile will continue to maintain spare keys, reading glasses and my cellphone in her handbag. My only problem then will be to remember where I left her when we go the mall. Perhaps if I whistle.....

LOL my housemaid was underneath my Harley changing the oil. What else?

....anyone else as bad as me? - Ian (Cape Town)
I\'ll ask my mum. She has a device which is effectively 4 small tags, all coloured seperately, with a \'master\' box which has been stuck to the fridge door. The \"master\" comes with little interchangable pictures of keys, cellphone, handbag, TV remote, etc etc, which you insert next to the relevant-colured button. Simply push the relevant button, and the sought object emits a beep while you trcak it down under the sofa, in the spare room etc. Very clever, as you will find it hard to lose the fridge.

From Not the Nine O\'Clock News:
Ever notice how people looking for things always make a mime of that which they are seeking - as if that\'s gonna help! \"where\'s the bread knife?\" while making cutting motions. Or \"where\'s my keys?\", while making starting-the-car motions.

From Geryy Sadowitz:
And the chances of losing keys, phone AND cigarettes is much higher when you are in a desperate hurry? (The keys and phone are hiding in the loo, smoking the cigarettes, having a good laugh at your expense!\"

....anyone else as bad as me? - Brill {P}
Agitatedly pacing the office recently, clearly becoming more and more frustrated, a colleague asked me what was I looking for. "My *£&%$ glasses... I'm late for a meeting". "Umm, they're on your head" was the reply.
....anyone else as bad as me? - helicopter
My dear departed father in law was forever losing his keys to the extent that I used to keep a spare set of his car and house keys at work so that he was never locked out or stranded.

His best 'misplacement ' was his mobile phone which he searched for for two weeks and could not find . It was switched off so he could not ring it. He finally found it in one of his shoes in the bedroom cupboard upstairs. He'd had a load of items including shoes and mobile to carry upstairs so he put the mobile inside the shoe and then completely forgot what he'd done.

Unfortunately as anno domini progressed he would also forget to brake or turn the steering wheel and he wrote off a Civic and a 626 within the space of a year.

....anyone else as bad as me? - Richard Turpin
My dad lost his Peugeot keys. It took 6 weeks to get a replacement. Then a couple of weeks later it was raining and as he opened his brolly.....out fell the "lost" keys.
Years ago, people uased a magnetic box with a sliding lid to keep a spare key under the wheel arch. Would not work now as "under the wheel arch" is made of plastic.
....anyone else as bad as me? - HF
>>Coming from a female woman of the opposite sex

From the photos I have seen of you and Growlette, G, I am delighted to read that you are the opposite sex from her.

....anyone else as bad as me? - THe Growler
......I am sufficiently emboldened by the candid confessions that there are others out there who are similarly forgetful to add one that always reduces my daughter to cross-legged hysterics when she recounts it (I swear she'll find a way of working it to her eulogy when they carry me off as well), and I swear this is true:

We did about 400 miles together in a Hertz rental ex LHR over a weekend in SE England and E Anglia about 18 months ago. Family stuff et al.

On the return trip I remarked to Alex that these new Ford Fiestas weren't bad at all. Dad, she said, I think I should tell you this, actually it's a Fiat Punto.......

Hmph. Well, manufacturers have to do more work on branding that's all I can say. As well as making their cars easier to find in large car parks......

....anyone else as bad as me? - Clanger
My job often requires me to have keys to empty properties or my customers' houses. Natch they go on the car key rings so I always have them with me. And I don't lose my car keys that often. Credit cards, wallet, cheques, cheque book, watches, yes but not car keys. This worked well until Mrs H snaffled my set because she couldn't find her own. So I'm crashing round the house looking for my keys so I can go and fix some leaky plumbing and Mrs H is 40 miles away on a shopping trip with our 2 daughters, an overworked credit card and the vital keys in her handbag. When I found her keys on the garden table the light began to dawn ...

Tools are another matter; they do have a life of their own. So, if I'm under the car balancing the exhaust in one hand and have just put down my favourite ratchet on the ground next to me, how come it is to be found after much swearing and stamping around on the blessed work bench 20 mins later? How did it get there? Even if I threw it from under the car, I'm not that good a shot.

On a job I delve into the nicely compartmented bits box looking for a washer or some such. It's not there and I curse because I bought some only last week and my mental stock control system says I can't have used them all. So, off into town to buy some more wotsits and, blow me down, when I come to put them in the bits box, it's almost full of widgets that I've just bought.

We need help ...
Stranger in a strange land
....anyone else as bad as me? - Altea Ego
Have you guys not figured this out yet? Every inanimate object, has a stress detector. They constantly measure the owners or users stress levels. When it reaches a threshold its triggers an action.

With widgets, keys, wallets etc its called the wandering effect. They wander somewhere else until they are out of range of the stress radiation and stop. Of course you get more and more stressed, the level goes up and they wander further away. If you get close to them with a high stress level of course they wander away. Thats why when you dont want them any more, your stress levels go down and your widget etc comes wandering back to find you.

The 20th century however has brough a new stress level reaction. Its called the obstructive effect. First discovered in cars, but really reached its nirvana in computers photocopiers, and videorecorders. The higher your stress level (this needs to be done by xxx time etc) the more obstructive the device becomes, of course increasing your stress level causing more obstruction from the device, until it reaches the level where the device will refuse to work at all, and in extreme cases try and destroy all work it was previously asked to do.

The answer? fool these devices and widgets, pretend you dont need them, pretend it matters not a jot if they are there or not, they soon come crawling back begging to you.
....anyone else as bad as me? - Stargazer {P}
SWMBO has a key habit....leaving them in front doors, car ignitions
(but still locks the car) and in the house when she slams the door.
I was once on a night shift at the observatory and sleeping through the day only to get a call....where is the spare key?

I have now banned her from locking the car by slamming the door having locked the door and holding the handle open...she uses the remote or the key, that way I know she will not lock the keys inside the car.

RF, agree about the wandering effect, if when dismantling a piece of equipment you drop a component, nut or bolt them it will find its way into the most obscure places, comepletely out of reach of any place that it could have possibly reached using the kinetic energy from its drop. Preferably in the next room.


....anyone else as bad as me? - helicopter
Another father in law special was the time he volunteered to collect SWMBO and I at Gatwick from holiday - He arrived early and our flight was delayed so he waited three hours for us and then could not remember where he parked the car - his only that clue was that it was near to a lift.

Gatwick Airport has three short term carparks each with five floors and numerous lifts !

I was not best pleased by the flight delays anyway and then it took me over an hour of searching to find his car.

To add insult to injury by the time we got out the cost of the car park ( which I paid)was more than double what a taxi would have cost.
....anyone else as bad as me? - spinner
I often have that problem in multi-storeys; I can find the keys but I lose the car.
It's not distinctive enough ;-}
....anyone else as bad as me? - Mapmaker
The hours I waste...
....anyone else as bad as me? - hillman
Lost pliers and mole grips...hmm.

A motoring friend of mine developed a complaint (Hyperparathyroidism)that upset the balance of calcium uptake to his body. I had to do his maintenance because any pressure on his hands caused blistering. No problem to me because it was an easy car to maintain - Ford Granada.
The increased calcium gave him kidney stones, but also made his bones very strong. His specialist called him in to the hospital to have a bone sample taken from his thigh bone by a special core drill of the specialist?s own devising. The op. was done under local anaesthetic, and was only supposed to take minutes. After a while my friend heard the drill struggling until it stopped. Then there was silence, whispers and a pulling, tugging, at his leg for quite a long time. The nurse took hold off his hand in a nervous way, and he had difficulty making her let go. The specialist then explained that his bone was so dense that the drill bit was stuck, and the chuck was slipping. They were trying to get the drill bit loose, but their surgical tools couldn?t grip it well enough. My friend, being of a practical nature, suggested a pair of pliers. Consternation - no pliers available in their kit, so they sent for a hospital maintenance man to borrow his. He took a while to come and by then the anaesthetic had worn off and my friend had to remind the doctors - frantic activity and many apologies. The maintenance man explained that his pliers were old and filthy, but he had with him a new pair of mole grips. Of course, what does ?mole grip? mean to a medical specialist? My friend called out quickly, ?That will do?, and the mole grips were quickly sterilised. After explanation and direction from the maintenance man the specialist quickly removed the drill bit while the others of the team held down my friend. Sadly, the bone was so strong that the specimen core didn?t come loose, and it was decided to abort the operation.
This is not an urban myth, I knew the man personally, and he told me first hand. He was back on the road within days, albeit with a sore leg and his kidneys giving him stick.
....anyone else as bad as me? - J Bonington Jagworth

"..surgical tools couldn?t grip it well enough" - I don't suppose the blood and sweat helped!

I've watched hip replacements and have been rather surprised by the low standard of surgical tool kits. All the stainless steel stuff is quite smart, but mechanically a lot of it is rather basic. Of course, you don't necessarily want too many sparks around the anaesthetic gases...
....anyone else as bad as me? - hillman
How about the hot wire scalpel then, cauterises as it cuts? I read of a case where the surgeon cut into a guy's tummy and met a pocket of wind - the Americans call it gas. The patient exploded and died.
....anyone else as bad as me? - J Bonington Jagworth
Ooh, messy! Not an easy one to explain to the relatives, either...
....anyone else as bad as me? - THe Growler
Gentlemen gentlemen please, spare us. So much as a hang-nail and I am overcome with the vapours.....

Incidentally I lost my keys AGAIN. Partner this a.m. says oh I forgot to mention, I found your keys stuck in the front door lock and put them in my bag for safekeeping last night.

I thanked her for that but pointed out I must have spent 20 minutes looking for them the previous evening. Oh, is that what you were doing? I wondered why you kept going up and down the stairs while I was watching TV. Why are you so annoyed? I was only trying to help.

...love 'em or leave 'em.

....anyone else as bad as me? - J Bonington Jagworth
"out of reach of any place that it could have possibly reached using the kinetic energy from its drop"

You're so right. Harness that and you've got Flubber...
....anyone else as bad as me? - Mapmaker
All I have to say is Helena Bonham-Carter. Or sausages...
....anyone else as bad as me? - Mapmaker
I regularly lose my indoor telephone. Fortunately there is a button on the base that allows me to page it.
....anyone else as bad as me? - blank
Bad with Keys? Oh yes, I am a specialist renowned in my circle of friends.
My best claim to fame is driving from Kent to Loughbrough and then (in friend's car) from Loughbrough to Manchester. Couple of days later we return to Loughbrough with me needing to get back to Kent. No sign of my car keys, which we eventually locate in Manchester. Local locksmith does the job of cutting a key from the Maestro's (sorry!) filler cap lock and off I drive, only delayed by about 6 hours!


Ask Honest John

Value my car