As the thread indicates, anything silly can either be posted here, or gets moved here at the moderators discretion.
Volume 10 is filled up, so it's locked. If you really feel the need to find it, along with any other previous silly threads, then use the Forum Search.
Usual rules apply. Also, anything can get deleted without warning.
DD
857136
Edited by Dynamic Dave on 04/05/2009 at 14:14
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news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/08/uk_enl_1...m
assuming the car belonged to a he
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The driver is said to be now no more than a vegetable.
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assuming the car belonged to a he
He was probably a he, judging by the photograph of him shovelling up potatoes to take home for his dinner.
Edited by L'escargot on 01/05/2009 at 15:49
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The problem has been sauteed.
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Wilja be driving that home?
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Could someone have been in a hurry to the Walkers plant in Leicester?
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Can anyone name the car?
I'm struggling to identify it.
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Can anyone name the car?
It's a Squashi.
;-)
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A Megane
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I think a 306, with the limited edition crushed velour trim!
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It must feel like a real kick in the spuds if that happens to your car when parked up! I think that truck driver is in for a proper roasting.
Edited by DP on 02/05/2009 at 11:42
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Bet he got a real roasting for that!
Edited by b308 on 02/05/2009 at 11:49
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surprised someone hasnt suggesting a complaint under SOGA as the car failed to take a slight overloading of the roof
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It's a starch reminder of poor carbohydrate loading.
Is the car a Morris Piper ?
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D'yer reckon it's battery's flat?
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Was that Royal not King Edward the Compressor??
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Certainly a little tattie 'round the edges...
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I think it's a dreary mid-90s Toyota, because the rubbing strip and bumper and wing don't match the 306 or Megane.
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Laguna, note huge door mirror, the side repeater in the door rubbing strip and the bonnet wraps over the top of the wing.
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It's a Squashi.
Just a joke. Barely just apparently!
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"There's never a PEELER around when you need one. EYE bet the bodywork has numerous CHIPS on it and the owner saw RED. The car is definately FRENCH.... FRIED in the afternoon sun. The owner had to dash back to the scene and KETCHUP with the paperwork."
I know, its getting late, and I've work tomorrow :-(
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Agree with Dox. Definitely tatty-bye to a Laguna, now a Lagoner.
Edited by Avant on 04/05/2009 at 01:56
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apparently the driver of the lorry ran away from the scene the police have asked people to keep their eyes PEELED.
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Owner must have been sauteed off when he came back to find his French car a proverbial croquette of sh... you know what.
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Wilja think he got paid out?
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Could we divide the Backroom up into two sections? One section for those who habitually whinge about all and sundry ~ condition of roads, driving standards, car manufacturers, franchised dealers, the government etc., ~ and the other for us more contented folk.
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Where do whingers about whingers go? Ah - section 3!
p
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Stop whinging ....... ;-)
Edited by oilrag on 06/05/2009 at 13:05
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What about those of us who have the odd moan but are basically content? We should have a voice too, you know.
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My recent Favourite
You are only jealous because the voices are taking to ME!!!!!
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I have one which I have been forbidden to wear by Erin Dors
'If women became extinct, men would have to domesticate some other dumb creature '
She thinks it's non PC.
Ted
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Driving up the M6 , I entered the Lune Gorge and on my left I saw a lot of huge white fans on a hilltop !
My question is, 'Can anyone explain why we need these fans, is this country not windy enough at the best of times ?'
Ted
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They are there so the cooling breeze will help to alleviate global warming.
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How else do you think the world would go round every twenty-four hours?
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But, surely, jet engines would be more powerful to turn the planet...after all, it does need to attain and maintain 1000 mph or all the clocks would be wrong !
Ted
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Snail enters a racing competion.
He is told that as he is a snail he has to have the race number of just a letter S & start from the back of the grid.
So he starts the race, lap after lap he gains on all until the last lap when he rushes past the 3 leaders on the finishing line & against all odds actually wins the race!
The crowd shouts...
wait for it...
Look at that S Car GO!
Edited by The Angler on 22/05/2009 at 10:35
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Never mind TOG, I'm still trying to work out the punchline to the joke, if indeed there was one?
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"What is a TOG"
tinyurl.com/cl7pe8
This joke was told by TW on Radio 2 this morning, about 2 mins before Tron posted it.
{8< Snip. Now lets not get personal}
Edited by Dynamic Dave on 22/05/2009 at 13:46
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A TOG/TWOG is a Terry Wogans Old word for person begins with G ends in T and has an 'eye' in the middle
Made me laugh anyways...
...so I thought I would share it.
Escargot = snails S car Go?
Groan...
...Oh! and how some did!
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In a high percentage of road accidents, one of the drivers is under the influence of alcohol. However, you rarely hear about accidents in which both drivers are over the limit. Perhaps we should all "drink and drive".
Edited by L'escargot on 23/05/2009 at 08:18
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Would you advocate a fine for non-compliance? A ban perhaps? :)
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I don't think you should be penalised too much if you have an accident when you're over the limit....I mean, how do they expect you to drive carefully when you've had a few ?
Ted
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Think & drive more like...
The Decoy.
A routine police patrol is parked outside a local neighbourhood pub. Late in the evening the officers notice a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the carpark for a few minutes, with the officers quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity, and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officers, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over, and carried out a breathalyzer test.
To their amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, one of the officers said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "I'm the designated decoy, so I haven't touched a drop all night."
Edited by Tron on 24/05/2009 at 11:30
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Hector calls up Donnington Park.
tinyurl.com/qvmeep
Edited by Hector Brocklebank on 25/05/2009 at 20:57
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That's very funny HB. Is it really you are is one of you a clone?
What a very nice lady that is by the way. Unless the whole thing is a put-up job, she was extremely patient and courteous in a way I like to think is English.
I love the thought of this crazed Scot snaking around a racing circuit in an artic laden with cod and haddock, drawing black lines from his variably inflated tyres. And this lady doing her best to deflect him without upsetting the guy. Just so sweet.
Unless it's a put-up job.
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Herberts small car hurried past
hop hop hop hop - jig jig gasp
teeth a chattering to vibration
saving fuel - for the nation
thin tyres squealing - not so fast!
hop hop hop hop - jig jig gasp
speed humps fling it in the air
Herbert hangs on - what a `mare
A speck of dust on that bend
back end hops out - that`s the trend
It`s OK though cos he`s a fan
Of City cars like a sardine can
Herbert takes it - bumps and all
He`s a Human bagatelle - pinball
he up`s the speed now - going fast
hop hop hop hop - jig jig gasp
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Yes, another nice one Oilrag.
I think you should
a - rename it 'ode to the puddlejumper'
b - add another verse or two mentioning how the poor suffering owner is desperately sorry he sacrificed his real car to the scrappage scheme.
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Herbert longed for his old motor
leather and badge - what a gloater
waiting forever at the junction
not let out - a paradoxical injunction?
He knows his own importance, see
but others pass and smirk with glee
he gives the thumb-less handshake-salute
a Brother returns it - meanings mute
he`s out and rolling along the road
leather walnut - others to goad
he peers out from his mighty beast
and laughs at peasants - who have least
But his bubble bursts - his bank is bust
his motors gone - its city car or bus
now his red braces start to twang
jig jig jig - he`s in a tin can
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"But his bubble bursts - his bank is bust
his motors gone - its city car or bust"
Which of course means that he never owned the car in the first place! Serves him right...
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unless it said `bus`
;-)
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Sorry, Oilrag - not quite sure what happened there!
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herberts car was a heap of rust
he went to the vicar because in god we trust
the vicar said your big ends gone
our herbert was forlorn
he tried to sell it in traders aut
he wished the young filly she was had bought
she showed her teeth and with a larf
said that old heap wont pass the caff
old herbert didnt know what to do
so he went in the cupboard to fetch his shoe
he found stuffed inem a bottle of beer
that did him good to have some cheer
he decided to go for scrappage allowance
but poor old herb was too old they said
he was over 80 see
and according to their computa was dead
poor old herbert.........................
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Herbert walked home with a snigger
It was`t young lads motor - go figure
He slid inside his Bentley to a golden glow
well greased brake pipes down below
That small car should have been a Gloater
With a name like that too - what a floater
he trembled at the oft aspired badge
never again an aspiring cadge
He past the garage in the limo
a head peered out and did a limbo
from underneath a heap of junk
eyes agog at Herberts front
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Herbert is a spotty youth -
baseball cap backwards - quite uncouth.
He'd really like to have a Nova
But dad can't help - too hung-over.
Then he had a cunning plan
'I'll make them think me a big man'
With sharpened screwdriver and centre-punch
He went stalking while Oilrag was at lunch.
Stole the Bentley, just for fun
Bit annoyed when it would not do the ton.
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Herbert woke up with a start - eyes agog
Oh NOOOooo - jig jig jig jig jig jig - JOG
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Herbert had a wet dream.
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Said Herbie "For a treat I'll
Scrap my ancient Beetle
And buy myself a Corsa:
Cheaper than a Porsche."
If the camshaft had been stronger
My song would have been longer.
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I seem to remember a couple of weeks ago the Telegraph ran a story saying the vacancy for Oxford Professor of Poetry was still open, because of infighting among candidates...
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Should read `hop hop` - sorry
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Come back, W.H.Auden....all is forgiven !
Ted
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It's sort of motoring related. After all, it's got Petril in it.
Safe for work, five minutes, Youtube, I think it's very funny and a bit poignant too, if you can empathise with robots.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_m17HK97M8
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tinyurl.com/au6jfc
..........volvo for sale!
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We take the arrows ( no more please) - now we help angle rotted opipe and belly of car at our French garage.
Rotted down below - pipes crust of salt and dung of the cow - we serve your car and swap ze oil around to our tractor and back to you when you call next year.
Today news in our workshop.
1) The Renault of Pierre - he is oil and grease - no codes -
2) The 205 - twenty years he coming. no rust and small bill.
2) Small British snail shape unmentionable.
He pull in and pile of rust dung salt and more rust drop onto our garage floor as fly settles on roof. Spark plugs all snap off and more rust drop on floor - we drag out back and poof `e dead. -
Tomorrow we no work - drink beer
Thank you
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Bof
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Yes I welcome to forum - opost car service data to help - in tour of France
Thank you muck groove
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Nurse, nurse, come quickly!
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Bonjour, monsieur
avez-vous
un kak kak
Mais oui
commiseration
arrows->->->->->-> back
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Angle men and woman - we love your car - service oil greaze and longbow arrows.
Discount for descend of `enry 5th on iol change and free bowstring
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Thye plugg - he no like the falaise gap - POOF!
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Enteratu. You leave me no option. I must quote the full passage, from Denton Welch, at you. 'Nurse, nurse, come quickly; Pym has gone queer and is hopping round the floor saying he?s a frog.'
Three separate levels of insult I think:)
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mange tout les menage a trois, soixante neuf je ne pas mon deux chevaux vapeur.
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Zat ees my old copain haillon-graissse from ze Societe des Poetes Dingues d'Outre-Mer or I will scoff my chapeau...
No graisse on ze brek-pipes, hein? So zey explode undair eavy braking like zits on ze visage of an Engleesh or Flemish teenager or badly shaken barrels of Pssschitt! ovair a bad stretch of pave, non?
Ave some proper bread for me comrade.
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Rostbeefs rotted break down here
e` nock is knees and quake with fear
e` gasket water burst the tube
is garage as done over lube
e` run is flag now up its pole
is knotted hanky black as coal
three monkeys now run up the stick
one fall down - click click
e` as a sticker on the rear
`no to foreigner` no to cheer
e` is an Angle ere in France!
is rotted brake pippies ave no chance..
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And get that stripey jumper and beret off right NOW!
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2) Small British snail shape unmentionable.
Zut alors et sacré bleu!
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Odd really, I'm sure I detect a Yorkshire twang in the phonetics..........
Some of it seems a bit, well........ ragged but somehow slick, perhaps ??
Might be my imagination of course.
;-)
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*Pathetic attempt to bring motoring link to shameless plugging of the news that we've beaten the Aussies at HQ*
Clark was awesome though.
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After today, probably any car he darn well wants!
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If it matches his personality it will drink lots of fuel, be a bad starter, have a weak suspension and be covered with "Stubble". Good effort all round though!
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it used to be a vw touareg
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typical comment from a jock, If its nothing to do with hoops or the blues , its not sport.
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You got it in one!!!
And impressed with your Scottish Football knowledge!!
Oh is this the guy that plays rounders???
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jock... hoops or the blues...
Horse racing, croquet and jazz, AE?
What about Adult Male Rounders and Armoured Behemoth Go-Straight-At-'Em Rugger, the two US national games?
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Silly thread beckons - Silly mid off actually.
Edited by Pugugly on 20/07/2009 at 18:23
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It's not a sport is it ? Not in a jumper.
;-)
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What about Adult Male Rounders and Armoured Behemoth Go-Straight-At-'Em Rugger the two US national games?
I have been dealing with some fresh, virginal to the uk yanks.
I could not convince them that after 5 days play getting a draw (Cardiff 1st test) was a result. And then when I told them that was a good result, a damn good result, they assumed I was mad
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It's all built in from Windows 98 on!
Go to www.tanygraig.force9.co.uk/John/vlr/form.htm
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What's all this US advertising on the right hand side of the page?
Apparently we can get a $1,200 uplift. I'll tell the wife - she could do with one of those;-)
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Just get her to scrape her hair backwards as tightly as possible and secure it.........1200 bucks saved !
Ted
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I did't think we where part of the us yet,unless things have changed?
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