Not Gary Larson, but not far off. OK, the Big G he says to me get this show on the road again, you do it. Hope I can get this right.
I know you people got speed cameras and license points and speed humps and those motorways where you have some hotshot BMW looking up your tailpipe at high speed. You even have cops who drive badly I read. Well we have cops who don't even drive, they park in front of the 24 hour 7-11 Store all night smoking or sleeping, or sometimes they're in the Blue Parrot or somesuch videoke bar down the road, they say they're checking the girls' health cards, oh yeah they're checking all right but it isn't any health cards they're looking at. Speed humps pa la! Let's say you're some big cheese here with connections and you live on the busy highway. So you build yourself a couple of speed humps of your own so that you can reverse out of your driveway by making the traffic slow down. Quite common. Result is we got more speed humps than Big G says you can poke a stick at.
But what I found in yesterday's paper is a very good example of motoring life here. We have to get some pictures now to show you, so we can post them, you wouldn't believe. I've just extracted this from a letter to the Editor:
"Selfish motorists are so impatient they don't stick to their lanes and make new ones where there ought not to be any, for example on the other side in the face of oncoming traffic. Buses, jeepneys and taxis stop anywhere they want to unload or load, even in the middle lane and often diagonally across two lanes. Bus drivers are paid on commission so they race each other to get ahead and pick up the most passengers. Old vehicles often break down on the fast lane and the driver just leaves them there while he goes for help, even at night he will leave his car here on the fast lane of the expressway with no lights, trucks are the worst. Let's say you want to pull in to a lane and you signal. The other guy sees this as losing face so he speeds up so you can't get in. Vehicles beside you decide they want to turn into a side road so they just do it across you without signalling. Especially if you have a new car and their one is old. Traffic lights change without rhyme or reason. Often one signal light is busted so you have to guess whether you can stop or go. Enforcers are clueless and often cause more jams with their stupidity when they try and direct traffic. Pedestrians jump into the street wherever they feel like it when they want to cross. Streets are used as parking garages and workshops just carry out their trade on them in the street, welding or vulcanizing and blocking one lane. No wonder there are so many reasons for road rage."
The pic with this article which I scanned but doesn't come out good shows a two way street completely blocked with vehicles all going the same way who can't wait, so that vehicles going the other way can't proceed. Only in the Philippines! But this is the city only, in the provinces it's different.
Sorry for this being so long.
You know Valentine's is a very serious business here in the Philippines. We expect chocolates, Victoria's Secret maybe and most of all a teddy bear holding a rose. It's a custom here, we're very sentimental people. Growler he says I have enough teddy bears already and why don't I throw some out. It's a joke I think. Anyway you men out there treat your partners today don't forget.
Ingat ka (means take care).
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And we think we've got problems! Thanks for the reality check, Growlette. Regards to Big G - I hope you still get the teddy (and the other stuff) :-)
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Growlette,
Takes me back. In addition to the traffic going every which way and treating traffic lights as a challenge, there is the added hazard of barefoot children dancing amongst the vehicles to sell cigarettes and flowers etc.
The policeman are too fat because they take so many bribes that they eat too much. Have you ever seen a thin policeman in Manila? If you have he must have been very young or very honest. It is my considered opinion that not many of them would pass the medical in the UK. Our policeman are saintly by comparison. Some of their scams are outrageous, but quite funny if you can afford to keep paying the 'fines.'
One of the most memorable experiences of my life was a journey across Manila in a taxi, during the rainy season when the water was a couple of feet deep in some parts. I was shown the art of keeping a diesel taxi going when the water was half-way up the doors and small children swam by. This was just after we had crossed Quiapo Bridge.
The only car I would dare drive in Manila would be a Humvee so I admire Growler for his daring exploits.
I have treated Valentines Day with the gravitas which it merits. A very happy one to you and BG.
Barry
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It's true. The porkers get their name that way. A while back there was a campaign to make them all reduce their waist to 34" and they were shown doing exercises on TV but they complained it made them look ridiculous so it was dropped. Look pretty ridiculous anyhow, five foot four with 38 inch waist, deus-ko!
He got Raybans and a gun anyway he thinks that's enough. When it rains like that and it's one meter deep very often as you know, don't walk down the street. The manhole covers get stolen and maybe you end up being flushed into the Pasig River. Anyway more motoring to come from the Growlette Files.
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And even for utilitarian purposes on the trunk roads, it is very often the case that a ton plus 10 or 20 would be a reasonable cruising pace for a competent car and driver, so that really the only truly valid reason for all the restrictions must be to gratify the anti-car and/or egalitarian zealots.
Tomo.
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Tomo, phew! That's told 'em.
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Oh dear, most of it got lost; my nice new computer has laid an egg!
Anyway, dear Growlette - as I hope I may address you across the chasm of years, and anyway Growler is afar off. I think..........
Your motoring seems a bit chaotic indeed. I suspect, though, I might find it no worse than the virulent persecution of motoring we sustain by means of anti-motoring devices and dubious functionaries brought about to gratify a certain relatively small but noisy and influential school of anti-elitist, anti-achieving, levelling, liberal/lefty school of spoilsports - I must remain moderate or I will be censored! At least up here in Soviet Scotland one of the few compensations we have is some glorified sheeptracks (in place of far more suitable roads paid for many times over by us) we can go to, to put the pedal to the metal. So many other poor Sassenachs down South do not even have that resource.
And even for utilitarian purposes on the trunk roads, it is very often the case that a ton plus 10 or 20 would be a reasonable safe cruising pace for many competent cars and drivers, so that really the only truly valid reason for all the restrictions must be to gratify the anti-car and/or egalitarian zealots.
Best regards,
Tomo.
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Ingat ka to you too, Growlette, I hope you have a very nice Valentines' Day!
HF
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Last time (and first time!)I was in Manila I was amazed but the amount of guns been carried by private security people outside shops and on building sites. I would hate to be caught in the crossfire while sat at the lights!
As an avide reader but non contributer I am glad to see you two back.
Sat offshore at GMT + 8 it is good to read posts from people who are talking cars cars cars and leading normal lives at home with their families.
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We just got back from Valentine's lunch. My God the trapik, as we call it. 3 hours back and forth for 1 hour lunch. Can't get a taxi because they all filled with guys each taking a girl to the short-time motels, that's the custom on V-Day. What happens is each room has a garage underneath, and you park your car in that so no one can see it. You just hope no one sees it when you come out! Nobody can get away with the "working late" excuse on 14th! Everyone wearing red also, me too.
Still on the Far Side, on the highway there's a wonderful billboard, we will copy and post it. Make you laugh, can't say it here. Every place has a "seku" and they all have guns, even let's say the one outside the supermarket. In my province we have a saying they strut around like the fly on the back of the water buffalo. Means they're small really but because they high up they're a big shot for a while. I bet you got plenty of people like that! But they are very useful, they help you park and stop the traffic so you can reverse out etc. We got guns everywhere. [Anyway there's a bit about motoring in this post]
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Nice to see both of you back :)
"we have a saying they strut around like the fly on the back of the water buffalo. Means they're small really but because they high up they're a big shot for a while."
Brought a smile to this dour accountant's face on this fine morning.
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Growlette, 'water buffalo?' Surely you mean carabao or were you just making it easy for your english fans?
Barry
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Bafta: O-o naman. Carabao lang.
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Growler and Growlette: Re your photos on the backroomers photos site, may I suggest you create your own separate album there - use the " *Create a New Album " button (on the shoebox page link below, that button is found about 4 inches down the page and about 3 inches to the right just above Tomo's "better days" album ).
** HJ Backroomers - ADD your photo albums at:
groups.msn.com/honestjohn/shoebox.msnw
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Here are some more GRowlette Files. Bafta already has this, he has been to Manila so he can appreciate. OK, we are driving down a major thoroughfare in Pasay City (it's a bad part of Manila, very dark) about 10 p.m. We have the doors locked and always the dark tint so the cops can't see G is a foreigner. Come to a big intersection. This time of night often the traffic lights are switched off, or, if traffic is quiet people ignore them anyway. So, what happens? All lights in all four directions are showing all colors, that's red orange and green all at once! We need to make a left, so what to do. Anyway G goes across the line carefully and wants to make the turn. Guy next to us in Honda, not sure, so he stops. Instantly two bozo traffic cops they leap out of the bushes in the median strip, one for us one for the Honda. Us they try to book for crossing on the red light, this other guy for obstructing traffic! Of course it's a scam.
Anyway they got guns so we had to pay something, maybe 2 pounds in your money. I'm so scared afterwards but Growler's having a good laugh, he says its cheap entertainment for the night.
Another time. Same area, we make a right turn into a side road (all the main boulevards have these parallel side roads). Two cops again, but this time one has a bike with blue lights and a wang-wang, "Counterflow" they say. "reckless driving, 2000 pesos". We know this is BS anyway because we keep a list of the correct fines in the F-150.
I don't like this, but G he gets out and he says OK officer please show me the one way sign. Of course there isn't.
So we always carry a camera anyway in case of accidents etc because people make up stuff and tell them to the police for money. He takes a photo of traffic going both ways, and then he writes down the names of these cops from their badges, and says OK now give me a TVR (that's a ticket). Of course they want money only and they know they can't issue a ticket. So we got away with it but it's a risk to do this. They lose face and no one knows what could happen. If they're just traffic enforcers employed by the city they have no powers of arrest, but PNP cops could make up anything and haul us off to the tank.
In Angeles City this happened to a US friend. THere's one cop there who looks out for foreigners and preys on them thinking they don't know the laws. So this guy riding his Honda on McArthur Highway with his Filipina girlfriend back-riding. This officer waves them down, reckless riding or something, its BS anyway. License and registration please. Confiscates license, right you follow me to the police station. Probably to share the pay-off with his pals so they can go to the beerhouse. They get to police station.
Friend asks to see superior so he can argue. Out comes police captain, sees girl, big grin: "Juliette mahal, how are you sweetie?" Juliette plants big kiss on captain's cheek. "Hello, Daddy".
Score one for the good guys.
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