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My PA has developed "Road Sarcasm" to a superb level. I was travelling with her in rather fraught traffic (and we were late) - she responded to bad driving by others (mainly male may I add) with a wave of a hand and a caustic comment - delivered in the style of Ab-Fab in a loud enough voice for them to hear through mutually open windows. It is a pleasure to behold
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When someone turns left on the roundabout without signal or pulls in without signal or you name whatever stupid stunt takes your particular fancy: do as I do. Say to myself " I should have known he/she was going to do that "
Exception to this mantra was yesterday afternoon following newish Golf (03) which started to flash left - slowing at same time, this in a built up area - I laid back and was quite surprised by immediate r/h turn into side street. I should have know he was going to do that but I have to confess I did not.
Happy Motoring Phil I
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About 12 years ago you used to be able to get a gret little gadget that pretended to fire rounds, lasers or missiles at offending motorists.
It would sit on your dash and you could "eliminate" the other road user by pressing the appropriate button - great fun!
I found that the batteries didn't last long in mine though ;)
H
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A coping strategy starts before the journey.
1 Always leave extra time to get where you want to go.
2 Make yourself comfortable in the car and think soothing thoughts before you go. Say to yourself "I am going to enjoy this drive"
3 Never drive in a rush or hurry, you get angry or flustered so will everyone else. Take it easy.
4 If you are held up or late, then say to yourself "S*d it, what does it matter, no one will die"
5. If anyone does anything aggressive think of a dead young boy on an m25 slip road (curtesy of Kenneth Noye)
That just about does it for me, if I find myself in a self induced road rage situation, I find I have broken one of those rules.
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According to recent news items:
1. UK has highest rate of violent crime in western Europe
2. UK has highest rate of road rage in Europe
I quite believe this and I know that in the UK cities I sometimes visit there are some pretty unpleasant characters driving around who wouldn't think twice about stabbing or shooting anyone who was giving them 'hassle'. I try never to antagonise other drivers and if I get cut-up or whatever I just sit back and relax.
Whatever you do you can still come unstuck though. Over ten years ago my wife pulled into a parking space at a busy Asda. As she was getting out of her car a young guy came up to her, told her that he had been intending to park in the space and thumped her in the face causing quite severe injury. Despite having his car's reg. no (it was a black XR3i....) the police did nothing.
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I have the opposite problem - I find it really hard to get worked up about people doing stupid things on the road.
The bloke I live with will get all het up about people, drive right on their bumpers, do the sarcastic clapping thing... but as far as I can see it does nothing except get him stressed out. And as we're now living in Wolverhampton there really is no guarantee that the person you're arguing with wont pull a gun/knife on you!
There are times when I've been cut up on a roundabout or someone has just done something really stupid, and he reaches across me to beep MY horn at the person, even though he's not driving. I know the other person has done wrong, but I just can't be bothered to get worked up about it. Should I?
However, on both occasions where people have hurt my Polo, I've had no trouble venting my feelings at them!
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Four weeks a year, I train people in negotiation skills. One of the things we teach is how not to let emotions take over. It's very simple. Just make yourself interested in whatever the other person is doing. So, declare in the manner of a scientist:
"Hmm, how interesting, that driver can only be two feet from my back bumper..."
"Hmm, how interesting, no signal..."
Also works a treat with family members:
"Hmm, how interesting, the mother-in-law's nagging..."
And in the context of the course I teach:
"Hmm, how interesting, the person on the phone's shouting at me.."
"Hmm, how interesting, they are trying to bully me by threatening me..."
Try it. Hope it helps.
V
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Surely its even simpler than that;
In the scheme of things someone wanting to be in front of you is really not important. And why get stressed by something not important ?
I do thousands of miles and, while I wouldn\'t say I was perfect, you do eventually realise that these things are just not important at all.
By all means pull in front of me in a queue, undertake me if you wish, tail gate me and I\'ll simply slow down. Why get stressed ? I might arrive 60 seconds later than you, but I\'ll feel better.
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Judging by what sometimes happens, you might even get there before them!
On my motorway commute into a city, the outside lane is the first to back up, and those in the know don't use it past a certain point, but all the "must get into outside lane at all costs" brigade are apparently too thick to realise it, and force their way onto the back of a stationery queue.
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It seems to be that experience as always is the best teache.
I can identify with several of these threads, yet while I do more miles than ever now I'm less stressed and let things slide
where I wouldn't before.
I don't drive any slower, I guess its less haste more speed.
I also listen to traffic broadcasts (Traffic master) via the mobile (handsfree of course!) which has saved me hours and kept a few more hairs in place.
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I am a serious road-rager and get myself into all sorts of stupid and dangerous situations just beacuse I can't keep my big mouth shut. I'm not hard by any stretch and at close to 60 would be a pushover. I've been very, very lucky so far, the worst injury being slight bruising on my bicep from a guy who grabbed my arm. What triggers it for me is bad mannered driving, which I take personally, even if it's affecting someone else! Mistakes don't bother me, it's the obviously deliberate nastiness that does it.
It's got better as I've got older and the hormones have thinned out a bit but it's still there just below the surface. I really try not to do it as I'm concerned that one day I'm going to be killed by a real nutter, but I also feel that maybe if everyone got together and told these morons how stupid they are maybe they'd stop doing it. Perhaps we shouldn't sit back and let the scumbags take over society?
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Set out at least half an hour earlier.
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GOG: I also used to get all het up and angry at what I considered to be other people's stupidity or discourtesy and while I have never reached the dizzy heights of 'red mist' that you appear to have scaled, I reckoned I needed to do something about myself. I was fed up arriving at a destination in a bad mood - not something conducive to a nice day out! All those suggestions about setting out earlier; preparing yourself mentally before the trip; and realising it's not the end of the world if you are delayed a bit are brilliant.
I think your most important point is that you took things personally. Do you really think people are out deliberately to impede you or give you a hard time? Or that the gods who control the traffic lights know you are coming and change them all to red, just to muck you up? I think not. I think most people have no idea they are being stupid or discourteous. Maybe they just make a mistakes.
I think in this life you get back what you give out: be nasty and aggressive and you'll get it back in spades. I no longer give finger signals or touch the brakes when I'm being tailgated. I don't make eye contact in potentially confrontational situations. I want to get from A to B in one piece and without any damage to passengers or vehicle, in a decent mood. I'm no less a "man" and I'm certainly more pleasant to get on with. Sometimes it ain't easy though!
More Zen. 8 ball
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Generally, as above, I just sigh and let them get on with it. I'd rather get from A to B too. Once in a blue moon, I might for reasons unknown allow a nice hand signal to come into force, but this is so rare as to be virtually unheard of. (Very satisfying though!)
I'm not sure that people's bad road behaviour can always be put down to mistakes though. There are many who, whilst not perhaps being deliberately stupid or discourteous, just don't have the presence of mind or ability to see beyond themsleves. Therefore they will always expect you to give way to them, they will never allow you to pull out in front of them, and they would sooner crash head-on with you than to pull back, think, and allow you a little space. And they never, never bother to thank you when you have given way to them. These we see every day. Usually I let it pass, as there is no point doing otherwise.
But a good coping strategy is to force oneself to remain calm, and then vent it all later that evening in the BR!
HF
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How often do you reckon you make a silly mistake in a car ? Forgetting to indicate, indicating wrongly, pulling out in front of something, parking soimewhere unwise, seeing your turning at the last minute, letting your attention drift, getting too close to the car in front etc. etc. ?
Maybe twice a year ?
How many cars do you see in a day ? 1000, 2000, 10,000 ?
Lets say 2,000. Lets say they are all the same quality of driver as yourself and make 2 mistakes a year. That means you'll see about 10 mistakes a day if everybody is as perfect as you.
Critiscise the maths as you like, the point remains the same.
Bit silly getting worked up at people when you're no better yourself.
Of course, you might believe you make less than two mistakes in a year, and you might even find someone who would believe you.
Mark.
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>Of course, you might believe you make less than two mistakes in >a year, and you might even find someone who would believe you.
I would guess If I was honest, I probably do something that might get up someone elses goat, on average about once a fortnight, say once evry 400 to 500 miles.
I have to say, probably the best, most careful, most laid back, forgiving, courteous drivers I see are those driving petrol tankers. You can kinda guess why.
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Mistakes are inevitable and it's true that sometimes even a silly error can have tragic consequences. Deliberate bad, aggressive and reckless driving is quite another and annoys me far more than the bloke who inadvertently forgets to indicate for example.
Having said that the best policy is to let it go - anything else just adds another bad driver to the numbers on the road that day.
Making a simple mistake is human and even forgiveable. Driving like a complete maniac every day of the week because you're always late for something or other is a deliberate choice and a different matter altogether.
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