Well I liked it.... - Alfafan {P}
The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my
motorways which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! (The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.)

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMWlane. (Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW drivers only?)

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 95mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway,but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane and to get out of my way. Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also
tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hardshoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my driver's licence to a Police Station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the Police Station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I
won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW!
Well I liked it.... - J Bonington Jagworth
Chortle, chortle...
Well I liked it.... - No Do$h
Love it! As I'm off to join the lemmings on the London-Bound M3 tomorrow morning I shall be sure to glue a Bavarian Propeller over the Alfa badges so I can use that fabled lane. Ah, a 2 and a half hour rush-hour (a misnomer, surely?) slog to Windsor reduced to a piffling 75 minutes in my exclusive lane.

No Dosh ** Quick, talk motoring, Mark's coming! **
Well I liked it.... - Graham
It was interesting as I clawed my way home in last Thursdays snow that the majority of stuck cars were BMW's. So much for the ultimate driving machine, with rear wheel drive for added traction up icey slopes!
Well I liked it.... - peterb
I managed to get sideways in my rear-drive Lexus as I drove into my garage on Thursday night.

No harm done, but I'm off to the skidpan on Saturday...
Well I liked it.... - Graham
Good man. We all need to learn more.

BTW Where are you going? and please report back on your experience. My Mrs would like to have a go. Although she is a good driver (no, really) she lacks confidence on the slippery stuff. Also you may only get one chance of getting it right!
Well I liked it.... - peterb
I'm going to a place in Croydon (the rather grandly named "National Driving Centre") along with Mrs B. They cover rear and front drive (useful as we'll be getting an FWD 2nd car soon) and with/without ABS.

Will report back next week.
Well I liked it.... - Dan J
I think I've probably got most of it out of my system but even now I can't resist the opportunity for a "play" :)

You need to have the right kind of environment for this but I bet you have if you look around...

Several miles from where I live, there are a couple of extremely large supermarkets with subsequent huge car parks. One of these, along with another town car park close by are very large open spaces and contain no trees or other obstacles.

Late at night they are often completely empty and can be huge fun with a few inches of snow on.

The first couple of times I was simply horsing around though it occurred to me after a while that it was probably good experience and I know it has stopped me denting my car on one occasion when I did skid on some ice accidentally. It can be quite unnerving at first making your car skid and pulling handbrake turns etc but, particularly with rear wheel drive cars, I think the experience can be rewarding. Local plod also seem to think so as they approached me one night back when I was a little younger and asked me what the hell I was playing at. I explained I was practising to see how to control my car when it skidded - they congratulated me for the foresight and b*****ed off and left me to it!

Your wife will probably find it good fun once she's been driving around and seeing how it feels for half an hour - may come in very handy one day when a skid happens unexpectedly!
Well I liked it.... - Armitage Shanks{P}
Do check that it is skiddy before you waste a journey, if you are going to the M11 that is!
Well I liked it.... - bafta
Graham, oh yes, wasn't it wonderful for us drivers of inferior cars to see those bavarian masterpieces coming to grief in last week's snow? Two parked on their roofs and one going backwards as I drove up the hill past him. It almost makes up for never being allowed to use the BMW lane doesn't it? Snow holds a new magic for me.
Well I liked it.... - MikeC
And what a shame about all those Beemers on that boat, to think not one made it to the surface despite being the 'Ultimate Diving Machine' and they even have bavarian propellers!!
Well I liked it.... - No Do$h
Well, I'm back. Tried a bit of an experiment in the interests of the Back Room. On the way up I adopted a Beemerish approach, using the outside lane whenever safe to do so and "keeping with the flow". 92 miles took 1:50 and speed varied from 40 to 80ish, with usual braking for other uberdrivers cutting across 3 lanes as they darted onto the motorway.

On the return there were similar volumes of traffic and I stuck to no more than 65, typically 60, Rarely left the left hand lane.

It took 8 minutes longer and I arrived back in Poole feeling totally refreshed. Particularly pleasing was the failure of the fuel needle to move for the whole 92miles back! I also maintained sight of many "uberdrivers" for mile after mile as they accelerated into the distance, braked, accelerated, and so on.

I doubt this is anything new to most people, but in the interests of those who think the only way is the Beemer way, it's time to learn!
Well I liked it.... - mal

On the return there were similar volumes of traffic and I
stuck to no more than 65, typically 60, Rarely left
the left hand lane.
It took 8 minutes longer and I arrived back in Poole
feeling totally refreshed. Particularly pleasing was the failure of the
fuel needle to move for the whole 92miles back! I
also maintained sight of many "uberdrivers" for mile after mile as
they accelerated into the distance, braked, accelerated, and so on.

Welcome back No Dosh, note you have taken heed of the comments about signatures.

Amazing isn't it what litle difference it makes to the average journey time.

I drive like that all of the time the only exeption being when I give my car an "italian tune up".

There are a few who might disagree whith the above driving style.

Well I liked it.... - No Do$h
Hi Mal. Well, the signature gag was wearing a bit thin, so you were right, it had to go!

There are still instances when the extra few MPH will make a difference, such as a 750 mile drive to the Alps, but unless something had delayed me excessively and I "had" to be there for a given time, the slower option is going to make perhaps an hour difference and leave me less fatigued. Frankly, anything less than 150-200 miles the difference is going to be measured in minutes and is likely to be offset by that fuelling stop on the return that would otherwise have been unnecessary.

Roll-on 08/03/03 and all those lovely empty autoroutes through La Belle France.....
Well I liked it.... - Tynesider
I agree. The slow lane on the right is so full of Bavarians, and the middle so full of lorries, that it is usually fastest in the empty inside lane where no-one notices our inferior cars (Inferior because they are slower). We only have to nip out very occasionally into the 15 micron gap between lorries to overtake.
Well I liked it.... - kithmo
Isn't it ridiculous the way prices of some things rise. Back in the year 2000 I purchased 3 of those points after attaining the very same award as yourself on th M1 (albeit in my inferior car and not in your BMW lane) and they only cost me £13.33 each then. The annoyance of it is, they are only valid for 3 years, so this year I will have to go out and get some more before they run out and I will have to pay the new price of £20 each. I reckon I should get a discount, having had some before.
Well I liked it.... - THe Growler
Very nice Alfafan. As one humorist manque to another I have to say I blew bubbles in my Weissbier when I read your excellent post.

I also hate BMW's because of the yobbishness they inspire. But comfort yourself with the following thought. Their main claim to fame a few decades back was making Isetta bubble cars with cylinder engines in the old Brighton Locomotive works which I used to (try and) sell for 299 pounds. We did manage to get rid of some to some elderly ladies in Worthing who brought them back saying they wouldn't work and we found this was because they tended to drop valves after a few thousand miles. One old poppet even rolled hers! I suppose these dear ladies must have been racing them along the Sompting by-pass after a riotous evening at the WI! There were almost as many Isettas going back to the factory as there were coming out of it. Perhaps BMW ownership does have a history of inspiring aggressive behavior!

I always enjoy telling this tale whenever younger BMW owners gather and watching their faces. As was so rightly said youth and energy is no match for old age and treachery!!

I have never felt the need to own one or behave like that perhaps because thank the Good Lord I have never been inadequate in that area where it so important to the ladies!

Drive safe, though!

Well I liked it.... - matt35 {P}
Don't be cruel to BMW drivers, please!
Most of them only drive BMWs because they are too thick to spell Porsche.

Well I liked it.... - Pugugly {P}

Finally found an author to one of those annoying Round Robin E mails doing the rounds these days. (In fact sent to me by a co-worker on 9.1.03.)

Well I liked it.... - Alfafan {P}
Hands up! I, sadly, am not the author. It came to me on one of those "annoying Round Robin e-mails>". Wish I could take the credit, but hey ho...
Well I liked it.... - Pugugly {P}
Sorry, sounded churlish. I couldn't help thinking of it today on the M40 near Oxford.Silver BMercW afterSilver BMercW after Silver BMercW in lane 3 all in a neat row doing 80 +
I was in lane 1 (in the Landie) !
Well I liked it.... - THe Growler
It's something about that Teutonic passion for exactitude...
Well I liked it.... - No Do$h
Zey ver only followink orderzz.
Well I liked it.... - Tynesider
Did you realise that however inferior we people on the motorway are, it is up to YOU on the slip road to adjust your speed and merge into a gap which hopefully has been left because you are in a superior car and are entitled to it. It would be nice for someone to slow down for you, after all what does it matter if another inferior car hits the back of THEM. How inconsiderate for some one to stop you, but in the end you must have felt really good at having your Bavarian MugWump admired so much.
Well I liked it.... - Pugugly {P}
OK you've convinced me - suggest a replacement for the 330 then.

Spec must be

1. Low tax bracket

2. Totally reliable

3. Economy in use.

4. Reasonable residules (hence good leasing rate)

5. A pleasure to drive..

PS I hate the X Type.
Well I liked it.... - DavidHM
I agree with you - the driving experience, quality and residual prices of the BMW 3 series do mean it's worth essentially 50% more than similar size, mainstream cars. If you wanted a realistic shortlist though

Audi A4 2.5 TDi
MB C270 CDi Avantgarde (as long as you like autos)

or, with a little less performance

Saab 9-3 2.2D
Volvo S60 D5D
Mazda6 2.0 TDi 136 Sport
Mondeo Zetec S 130 diesel

Okay, some of the residual percentage values would be very low, but to offset that you'd get a good discount and start from a lower base point, so the lease prices would more than offset this. Any one of those would do the job just as well as the BMW in functional terms, just not put quite the same smile on your face.
Well I liked it.... - bafta
Or at the price at which it will be offered the Mazda RX8 may be worth a look. Its different but at least you won't have to use the outside lane.
Well I liked it.... - Pugugly {P}
Food for thought.

Corporate image is another issue.

Choice so - far


Mazda RX8 on the reverse list, might consider it on looks alone, but I would like a drive first.
Well I liked it.... - Alfafan {P}
It's a joke...

Value my car