True story. In early February, we decided we'd look around some Hyundai dealerships, see if any of them happened to have a pre-owned i30 estate, Premium model, in stock. Turned out, they were as rare as the droppings of an indiscreet rocking horse. So. . . we went online to Autotrader, checked the listings there, and found a 2011 model of the exact spec we wanted.

Autotrader provided a link to the dealer's website so we followed it up and there, on the SG Petch website was a picture of the car, the price, and further details. The car was at the Darlington dealership, which happened to be 84 miles from us, but it seemed ideal for our requirements so we decided, the journey would be worthwhile.

Next morning, we rang SG Petch and asked to speak to someone in sales about the blue Hyundai i30 estate. We were put through to Scott. We asked Scott to confirm that the car was indeed still for sale, be no point otherwise in us driving all that way. He asked us if we had the registration number of the car. We did; we'd saved a copy of the car's photograph from the SG Petch website / Autotrader listing.

Scott was very good. Said yes, it's still here. Were we wishing to come over then, to inspect it? Yes, we told him. OK, said Scott, let me take some details first. Will you be looking to do a PX? We said yes, we are. Give me your car's details and reg number now then, Scott said, so I'm up to speed before you arrive. We gave Scott the details. And our full name and address. And phone number. Scott was happy with that; there was just one further point that needed clarifying: if we bought the car today, would it be a PX plus cash, or did we need finance? If the latter, then could we please bring IDs to prove who we were and where we lived. We said, if we did decidede to do a deal, we wouldn't need finance.

Right, Scott said. It's 10.30am now. When are you thinking of coming over? We said we'd be there at 12.30pm. We hoped we weren't inconveniencing him, it being his lunch time and all. No, no problem, Scott said. We're here to serve at SG Petch.

So. . . that was it. Away we went. A long and tedious drive to Darlington and the dealership. It was Tuesday, February 14. There are probably better ways of spending St Valentine's Day but we weren't planning to fall in love with Scott so romance really didn't enter into this.

Mrs G and I walked into the SG Petch Hyundai Darlington showroom at 12.30pm as agreed a mere two hours earlier. A member of staff asked, could he help us? We said, we've come about the blue 2011 Hyundai i30 Premium estate you have for sale.

He looked puzzled. Do we?

Yes, we said. We discussed it with Scott earlier this morning. He said it was here and would be ready and waiting for us at 12.30pm.

"Er. . . who is Scott?"

Scott, we said. You know. Scott. In your sales team. SCOTT. We spoke to him a couple of hours ago.

"Are you sure?"

Yes we're sure, we spoke to him and he took our names and lots of details about us AND about our car and said he'd be here at 12.30pm to meet us. HE WORKS HERE.

A long pause. 'And you are Mr and Mrs. . . .????'

We gave him our names. He went off to check. He returned with the following revelations:

1) No-one was expecting us to arrive at 12.30pm

2) No-one had heard of us

3) There was no blue Hyundai i30 Premium estate car for sale

4) No sales person by the name of Scott was employed by SG Petch at Darlington.

And to cut a long story short, that's how the tale ended.

Obviously, my wife and I had stepped through to a parallel universe, but perhaps Darlington is just that, a parallel universe, where there are ghost motor cars and ghost used car salesmen. The Scott we'd spoken to at such great length and who took all our details did not exist, which meant the conversation had never occurred, either. The only saving grace was that, after another long long hiatus whilst the member of staff we were dealing with went off somewhere to check the records, proof of tangible life did indeed exist:

The blue Hyundai i30 Premium Estate was most certainly real because it had most certainly been sold the preceding Saturday morning.

As a goodwill gesture, the salesman who was looking after us accompanied us to the nearby Morrison's filling station and put £20sworth of diesel in our tank to help cover the cost of our 160-mile round trip to see The Man Who Never Was.

We could, of course, have stood and argued the toss. Twenty quid isn't even recompense for the fuel used, never mind the hours wasted. But really, when you're in the parallel universe of Darlington at a dealership which says it has never heard of you, never heard of one of its salesmen, and, initially, never even heard of the car you have an appointment to look at, well. . . It's probably best to get out of there and bacvk to reality ASAP.

Has anyone else here had a non-existent conversation with a non-existent used car salesman about a non-existent used car? If so, is it something new that the trade is offering by way of entertainment or just unique to SG Petch??? Either way, if you decide to go looking for a Hyundai at any time, and the switchboard of a Hyundai dealership based in Darlington tells you it's putting you through to Scott. . .

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.