Ok - So the pumpkins are carved, the sweets bought. Backbridge Jnr is suitably goulishly attired and champing at the bit to go out begging with his mates. Where the heck are those little fat candles for the pumpkins ?
Very shortly we are going to be inundated with the little.....um.....darlings....... hammering incessantly at the door accompanied by beamingly proud parents to be followed later by opportunistic teenagers who having slipped into the nearest available binbag in an effort to cash in on the bonhomie.........
Sheesh....
:-(
Thing is, one of the little....... beggars....... is bound to scratch my new car with his / her axe / sword / trident or whatever....
Happens every year.
It's the Yanks fault.
Edited by Humph Backbridge on 31/10/2009 at 16:54
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Brussel sprouts dipped in chocolate.
We haven't had any back for years.
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>>Brussel sprouts dipped in chocolate.
>>We haven't had any back for years.
You were lucky!
Clk Sec
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My dog has a trick, the end result will be the need to find someone to treat it afterwards.
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Brussel sprouts dipped in chocolate.
A colleague does something very similar. He unwraps the foils from Ferrero Rocher's and replaces the chocolate inner with a brussel sprout and wraps them back up again.
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A colleague does something very similar. He unwraps the foils from Ferrero Rocher's and replaces the chocolate inner with a brussel sprout and wraps them back up again.
I know that's excessively mean etc....but that's right up my street
I wanted to tie up the front gate, so the little sods would have to climb over it if they were that bothered about it.....wife wouldn't let me.
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I wanted to tie up the front gate.....wife wouldn't let me.
I don't suppose she'd let you tie them up instead?
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Indeed, Humph, a difficult time for us of a more miserable bent !
The distance between my gatepost and the front bay window is exactly 1 LWB Vitara!
I can drive in forwards a couple of inches from the post until I touch the front wall. The front door is within the area I have corralled off....the little blighters can't get to it to ring the bell, leaving all my sweeties for me alone,,,hehehe.
This year, however, due to some distaff chastisement, I cannot go head with my dastardly plan...thwarted ! She won't accept my alternative plan either, wearing a grotesque mask and bursting out of the front door with an axe or something when they call !
Last year I did the same ( not the mask trick ) when I saw some ' religious conversionists ' down the road...talk about ingenuity, one of them, a woman probably over 70, actually climbed on the bonnet and rapped imperiously on the window for my attention.
I'm afraid I succumbed to some gutter behaviour and gestured her to go away..in the traditional manner.
Hide your car....there's a nice car park at Ardnamurchan that looks safe !
Ted
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Hide your car....there's a nice car park at Ardnamurchan that looks safe !
the light house?.......looking at the weather tonight it'd get flooded
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They'd better not call here - I haven't been CRB checked.
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I haven't been CRB checked.
That's a point. Has the labelling of the entire adult population as possible - nay, probable to be on the safe side - molesters put paid to this tricky treaty malarkey?
A Chilean friend said to me yesterday that judging by the media this kind of totally barmy kiddybothering must be actually extremely common here. I could only agree that one might easily get that impression. But added that I thought in reality it was quite rare.
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Goodness me, I can't believe what a miserable bunch you lot are. Why don't you join in the spirit and enjoy it?
Take last year for example. I hung a freshly severed goat's head from the porch door to greet the little kiddies as they arrived, and myself and Mrs RR sat at the upstairs windows, myself with a .22 air rifle and Mrs RR with her catapult. Our two lovable little Rottweilers, Ronnie and Reggie were playing happily in the front garden to make the visitors feel welcome. You know how kids love animals.
I think the little ones round here are a bit shy though, because they all seemed to cross the road as they approached the house. Mrs RR said afterwards that my little joke of pointing the rifle at them and shouting "Do you feel lucky, punk?", might have gone over their heads as they all looked too young to remember Clint Eastwood's films.
Anyway, towards the end of the evening one of the neighbours lads, a pleasant little chap passed by on the other side of the road. I thought I'd have a little laugh with him and loosed a slug off which pinged against his fat little backside. How he squealed! These kids today really need toughening up, there was no need for all the tears as he ran home. How Mrs RR and I laughed!
His father must have thought it was quite amusing too, he came over to have a joke about it later on, but by the time he prised Ronnie off his arm it was getting on a bit and he didn't bother to knock.
Nope, I'm not a miserable old killjoy like the rest of you. Roll on the carol singers too!
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I blame all the couples - if they had a bit of restraint and refrained from having kids - normal people like us wouldn't have to go to all the trouble of goat's head's - air rifles etc to keep them at bay. And our household insurance policies would plummet due to less burglaries. - roll on Xmas and let's have some nuts. We have turned out all lights and are hiding in bedroom - I hate typing in dark.
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You could always buy a hearse and park it in the drive - are decommissioned examples available anywhere? Mind you, the other half may object.
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my little joke of pointing the rifle at them and shouting "Do you feel lucky punk?" might have gone over their heads
Have you tried adjusting the sights, or aiming slightly lower?
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Well, they've been and gone. Eight groups, for goodness sake ! The best of which was a group of 8 lads all wearing full head animal masks, fox, dog, hamster, etc. All quite brilliant and very polite. Thought I'd strayed onto the set of Miss Potter ! Wish I'd had the forsight to take a photo but probably been branded a peedo ! Somewhat surprised good old Rattle wasn't among them !
All my sweeties went and we had to resort to small (very) cash donations. I did manage to save a slim bar of Bournville chocolate and a bag of crisps for myself. ( or crips, as a Gujarati lady freind, charmingly, calls them.)
I once shot a yob in the dark who was throwing railway ballast trying to hit our french windows from the field at the end of my garden. He and another were sat on the railway boundary fence. I could see the silhouettes. I aimed low and heard a resounding smack as lead hit denim stretched over thigh. My weapon of choice wasn't very powerful and I was surprised to get a hit. Much howling and threats ensued but they didn't know where I was. Can't say I'm too proud of it now, but times were different 30 yrs ago...and it was a good shot ! Probably frowned upon nowadays.....heyho.
Ted
Edited by Dynamic Dave on 01/11/2009 at 03:43
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>>The best of which was a group of 8 lads all wearing full head animal masks, fox, dog, hamster etc. Somewhat surprised good old Rattle wasn't among them !
Why Ted, what animal is Rattle?
( I'm sure he's not a snake.)
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Or
Using dum dum rounds
Although the less squeamish who open the door may prefer soft center chocolates topped up with liquid laxative by means of a small syringe
What a mean bunch we have become
As always
Mark
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Well, we didn't get one, but that's due to living deep in the Fen, at the bottom of the road that goes to nowhere:)
We did hear some fireworks though!
Pat
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>>Well, we didn't get one,
Same here - despite having loose change at the ready and current CRB. In fact we've not had them around, nor any carol singers, for several years.
Too much pocket money, I guess.
Clk Sec
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Some highly polite kids came around late on = too late for any goodies. They know the dog...but they are nice kids although on first meeing them you might think different.
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too late for any goodies.
Had you eaten them all, PU?
Clk Sec
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We never saw any either and there was a large bag of goodies by the door - been here 3 years now and its been the same b4 ... perhaps the 6.5 stone Rhodesian Ridgeback might have summit to do with it :)
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a large bag of goodies by the door - been here 3 years now
and still within sell by date?
:-)
We had a quiet night too...kept the hall lights off and the outside ones on, doesn't do to advertise ones presence.
Been scoffing mints since last night.
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Bit late as its passed now but a friend of mine lives in Detroit.
The local police offer an xraying service to check the sweets have not have razor blades etc inserted in to them.
Sick but true.
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