Can you help ?

Honest John Back Room » Motoring discussion
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 15:11
Can you help ? - Mark (RLBS)
WANTED (but not much)

Dead, Alive or preferably Moderating

Last seen chasing a recovery vehicle down the road crying \"bring that back, I\'ve got ploughing to do\" carrying a pie in one hand and a half empty bottle of apple by-products in the other.

(picture some years old)

Alan aka No Dosh aka Tractor Driver aka Poll Finangler Known to enjoy agrictultural motoring and Sitcoms based in Sluff. Reported sighting: begging for work north of Watford.

Height and Weight changeable depending on the proximity of the nearest pie or cider festival.

Caution should be adopted. Do not approach this man unless carrying further supplies of pastry and apple products and wearing an \"I love Alfers\" T-Shirt.

If you have seen him, then please report his last known whereabouts to www.lostourmoderator.com

REWARD OFFERED (probably not enough for a pint)

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Wed 6 Oct 2004 16:08
Can you help ? - borasport20
Hmmm...

He's come North ?
Likes a Drink ?
Likes a pie ?


Try Looking here -
The Beer Engine 69 Poolstock Lane, Wigan. Tel : 01942-510076/321820 Open Mon-Sat 11am-11pm; Sun 11am-10.30pm. A changing and varied selection of beers on offer here - 10 or so every week. Food is served 'till 7.00pm. Not just conventional pub pursuits, it offers line dancing, jazz and pop gigs, quiz nights, a Beer, Pie and Music Festival in October, snooker table, and a bowling green to go along with good beer.
--
go on, your need some fresh air ! www.mikes-walks.co.uk
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 16:53
Can you help ? - frostbite
How Cruel !


(presenting the unwary with that photo)
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 17:06
Can you help ? - BazzaBear {P}
Are we to understand then that he has no access to the internet in Telford?
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 17:19
Can you help ? - NowWheels
Are we to understand then that he has no access to
the internet in Telford?


It's even worse than that. Apparently, the site has no parking facilities for tractors ...
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 17:26
Can you help ? - Phil I
Telford oop North???? N. Midlands maybe. He is probably at trawling round the local furniture shops for a better chair:-)

Happy Commuting -( sooner he than me ) Phil I
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 17:28
Can you help ? - Mark (RLBS)
>>Telford oop North????

Hey, its North of Watford and he's from Dorset. For him, its north. Very.
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 17:35
Can you help ? - blue_haddock
There is a fair chance he's in here


Wwe host the biggest pub-based beer festival in the UK"
www.crown.oakengates.com/

If you want me to i'll go down there tonight and see if there are any shandy drinking southerners in.

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Wed 6 Oct 2004 17:37
Can you help ? - Stargazer {P}
I thought ND's favourite tipple was fermented apples.....or was that the latest organic tax free tractor fuel?

StarGazer
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 18:07
Can you help ? - blue_haddock
Don't worry they have a great selection of mind blowingly strong cider's there too!

Do you want me to launch a rescue party?
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 19:49
Can you help ? - PhilW
"Hey, its North of Watford and he's from Dorset. For him, its north. Very"

And he's in an alfer - notoriously unreliable as we all know - since he set off from Poole he probably got about as far as Blandford and is still waiting for the AA, who, as we all know have notoriously long call-out times.
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 19:51
Can you help ? - PhilW
P.S. your link to lostmoderator.com does not work - or is that because I am using Windows with IE6 and should be using Linux with Mozilla or Firefox??
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 20:11
Can you help ? - PhilW
PPS I'd offer to go and find him but my car's a Cit and probably wouldn't get that far. Someone with a Japanese car should do it, not 4x4 though 'cos they are too big for Dorset lanes and are only driven by inconsiderate idiots who a) wouldn't help out (too selfish) and b) couldn't find anywhere further than the local school. Oh, and not a female because they couldn't read a map and anyway would rather go shopping anyway. (And No Wheels would stop to argue with everybody on the way!)
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 20:57
Can you help ? - Adam {P}
Phil - lostourmoderator works fine with Opera but be warned - the pictures are rather shocking - ND features quite heavily in them ;-)
--
Adam
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 21:01
Can you help ? - Dynamic Dave
ND features quite heavily in them ;-)


Pun intended or not?
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 21:10
Can you help ? - Adam {P}
I don't want to bite the hand that feeds me...


--
Adam
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 21:44
Can you help ? - Altea Ego
This *and* www.honestjohn.co.uk/forum/post/index.htm?f=2&t=25...4

So who got a "fancy HTML for dummies" book for a birthday pressie then?


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Wed 6 Oct 2004 21:51
Can you help ? - Adam {P}
Well this makes me sick.

You think that because you provide and manage a forum where we can air our views, ask for help and glean useful information from, you can put blue and red text on...MOVING BLUE AND RED TEXT???

It makes me sick....SICK!

Mind you - that would help me on my hypermedia module - GO ON Dave/Mark - how d'ya do it - Get me that A!
--
Adam
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 21:58
Can you help ? - Mark (RLBS)
>>So who got a "fancy HTML for dummies" book for a birthday pressie then?

'fraid not. I used to be a programmer for a living in several old languages - HTML isn't much [any] different from a POS language/application tht Digital had at one stage and only took a couple of minutes to pick up.

And I had the time since I dumped my EM & RF problem on some guy in a dark blue suit on the South Coast who should have known better than to offer his colleagues !

;-)
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 22:04
Can you help ? - PhilW
Motoring please.
PhilW (guest moderator, subbing for ND)
I shall shortly move this to "IHAQ Computers"
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 22:10
Can you help ? - Mark (RLBS)
>>I shall shortly move this to "IHAQ Computers"

Bet you can't ! I'm away on normal Friday so I'm having my Friday today.

And if you're subbing for ND then you have a number of things wrong;

1) he never moderates when anybody else is awake. IF he does it at all its normally around 6am.

2) you need to eat a lot of pies

3) you need to drink a lot of apple by-products whilst maintaining that fruit is good for you.

and if you're going to copy him in everything, you better join AA Recovery as well.
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 22:13
Can you help ? - PhilW
You are a spoilsport - I appear to fail on all counts!
Back to the red stuff!
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 23:17
Can you help ? - Altea Ego
Ah the noble art of empowered delegation......
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 23:07
Can you help ? - NowWheels
Oh, and not a female because they couldn't read a map and
anyway would rather go shopping anyway. (And No Wheels would
stop to argue with everybody on the way!)


Not quite, I'd argue while were travelling! ;-p

Anyway, Phil, I'm surprised that you missed the obvious choice of vehicle for the posse: tinyurl.com/6jz7a
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Wed 6 Oct 2004 23:37
Can you help ? - PhilW
NW,
How did you know? The little grey Fergie - first vehicle I ever \"drove\", sitting on Uncle George\'s knee when about 5 or 6 \"steering\". Aged about 10 or so allowed to drive it properly, button by right ankle to press in, push gear lever into first gear position and it started. Throttle a chrome lever on steering column. (Might even have been that very 1957 version in your link!) Occasionally see them at county shows still going strong and with that characteristic smell - weren\'t some of them paraffin powered? Also used to sit on the toolbox on left mudguard while he drove - bet health and safety would ban that now! Memories of those always sunny summers and harvesting, hours of opening out with scythes, reaping (me driving Fergie),stooking, gathering sheaves on trailer, threshing etc - don\'t see much of that these days! Oh the good old days when it ws very hard work but with a great gang of locals all helping out then going to their farms to do the same and playing for/against their village cricket teams! No air conditioned CD player equipped combines then!
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 00:05
Can you help ? - NowWheels
Phil, that's lovely! Sounds like an idullic childhood, what a pity so few young 'uns can have that sort of a summer nowadays.

I too learnt to drive on a fergie -- one of the later red ones, but basically the same shape and with a hand throttle etc, though mine (called Tanya) was a diesel. I still think that Tanya's gearbox was nicer to use than that of many cars I've driven since. I never liked those ugly squared-off modern tractors with cabs, gimme a real Fergie any day :)

I suspect that my learning was done a long way from your fields, though: I drove Tanya in a desert, where we had to finish work at 7am before it got too hot.

I heard that eventually the Massey-Ferguson brand was sold to Italy, and I could never think of those as real Fergies. An Italian tractor is always a sort of second-best ...

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Thu 7 Oct 2004 00:11
Can you help ? - No Do$h
Ok, anyone know how to get beer and sandwich out of a laptop?

Currently sat in hotel reception somewhere in Telford cursing the poor reception on WiFi in the hotel (and cursing t-mobile for billing from initial connection regardless of how many times the signal gets dropped......)

Thanks for the link to the Crown. I fear I may have to go exploring tomorrow :o)

No Dosh
Not lost, just forgetful.....
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 00:34
Can you help ? - Mark (RLBS)
>>Ok, anyone know how to get beer and sandwich out of a laptop?

Dunno, but compared to getting one out of you and Dave it ought to be easy enough.
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 00:35
Can you help ? - No Do$h
Ooooh, 'ark at 'er!
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 00:37
Can you help ? - Mark (RLBS)
Still awake I see. Maybe you could squeeze some moderating in, if its not too much trouble. I guess you\'ve already been to the Poll and voted for the Alfer ?
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 00:41
Can you help ? - No Do$h
Yup, The GT got my vote. How the hell can the Opel Blandtra be winning? I suspect some Dave the GM Genie-style cheating....

As for moderating, I have 3 more minutes before I get to pay another fiver to t-mobile so I suspec [connection lost]
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 01:28
Can you help ? - Dynamic Dave
How the hell can the Opel Blandtra be winning? I suspect
some Dave the GM Genie-style cheating....


I refute those claims. I'm just glad I never gave you the username/password to the poll site, otherwise the Alper would be way out in front (on a tow truck) by now.
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 01:24
Can you help ? - Dynamic Dave
>>Ok, anyone know how to get beer and sandwich out of
a laptop?
Dunno, but compared to getting one out of you and Dave
it ought to be easy enough.


Cheeky git. That's the last time I don't buy you a pint and a sarnie.
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 10:21
Can you help ? - blue_haddock
You must go to the crown if you like a drop to drink - no jukebox, no fruit machine, no pool table - just lots of lovely beer!

I have spent many a happy hour in there!
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 00:15
Can you help ? - PhilW
"a fergie -- one of the later red ones"
A 35 i'd guess - or if bigger a 65
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 10:01
Can you help ? - patently
patently would very much like to contribute to this thread, but sadly he cannot type at the same time as laughing this loud.
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 10:26
Can you help ? - Stargazer {P}
Thank-you Mark, dave, ND (belatedly) and everyone else, cheered me up after spending half the night painting white gloss over white undercoat in artificial light..only now in daylight can I see if I missed anything or painted something I shouldnt have. Now where did the cat vanish to.

Mark: Agree about HTML....I learnt cobol, fortran, then basic and C long before windows and wysiwyg html editors so I always write raw html, seems much easier than learning a new program for a new operating system, just give me a text editor!

cheers

StarGazer
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 11:00
Can you help ? - PhilW
"an idullic childhood"

Brilliant - NW even invents appropriate new words!!
I can see ND using it to describe Japanese cars (reliable but dull!!!) as opposed to Alfas, which of coure are always "full of character"
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 12:03
Can you help ? - L'escargot
Judging by the picture, NoDosh is aka Rickie Gervais!!
--
L'escargot by name, but not by nature.
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 12:45
Can you help ? - Mark (RLBS)
Goodness me, they do look similar. I'd hadn't noticed. I hope Mr. Gervais doesn't think we've put his picture on the site.
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 14:15
Can you help ? - frostbite
I think a word in support of our beleagured moderator is called for here.

But I can't think of one.
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 14:31
Can you help ? - Stuartli
No chance of a job north of Watford for someone that ugly.....:-)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
What's for you won't pass you by
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 14:34
Can you help ? - patently
Why? Too much competition?
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 14:39
Can you help ? - Altea Ego
wouldnt get noticed
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 21:49
Can you help ? - No Do$h
Oy! I do NOT look like Ricky Gervais! More a chubby Dave Stewart or Short Eddie Izzard (sans makeup and leather trousers, mais avec goatee)

Can't be bothered to go to the Crown this week but I will get my sorry self over there after work next week, probably on Wednesday if Mr Haddock fancies a swift one?

Arms hurt after the 4th night on the trot in the hotel gym. I will get rid of this piemaster tag.

Ah well, just 4 hours of driving to look forward to tomorrow afternoon..... ::whimper::
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 21:55
Can you help ? - patently
Ah well, just 4 hours of driving to look forward to
tomorrow afternoon..... ::whimper::


Look on the bright side, ND - the tractor might break down. Then you'll get a nice break standing by the side of the road!
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 22:08
Can you help ? - No Do$h
>> Ah well, just 4 hours of driving to look forward
to
>> tomorrow afternoon..... ::whimper::
>>
Look on the bright side, ND - the tractor might break
down. Then you'll get a nice break standing by the
side of the road!


::Yawn::

Yes, yes. And all 911s exit the corner tail first.

Any more motoring cliches? Oooh, I know! I moderate one!

Just remember Mr Patently, I know where you work and what you look like..... The joys of a corporate website with bios of the partners.....

;o)

Aw, what the hey. I get to see Mrs Dosh tomorrow so I'm smiling. In fact I think I may just grab a beer to accompany my surfing this evening.

:o)
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 22:44
Can you help ? - patently
The joys of a corporate website with bios of the partners.....


Ah yes ... the photos. Have you any idea how long we argued about whether to put mugshots on there?

Best I warn the reception staff to let me know if David Brent turns up.

;-)
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 22:35
Can you help ? - Dalglish


we saw the evidence here -

www.honestjohn.co.uk/forum/post/index.htm?t=24225&...f
Er- who IS David Brent?
Roger. (in Spain).


www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/characters/profile_...l

www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/brentalikes/brent10...l

www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/brentalikes/

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Thu 7 Oct 2004 22:45
Can you help ? - No Do$h
So all blokes with goatees look like David Brent?

I've had mine since 1999, beating a certain office manager in the paper wholesale industry by a good few years.

Just to settle this I should add that Mrs Dosh takes great offence when people compare me to the extremely amusing but slightly creepy Mr Gervais.... and she's a kickboxer with a habit of winning bouts despite broken toes, torn ligaments, various bruises etc, etc.

I can arrange a meeting if you like?

;o)

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Thu 7 Oct 2004 22:48
Can you help ? - patently
So all blokes with goatees look like David Brent?


No, just some of them!

[joking...!]

Mr No Dosh and Mrs Dosh - sounds horribly familiar!
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 22:54
Can you help ? - No Do$h
I think I may revert to calling Stella Mrs No Dosh; the version Patently has just pointed out is a rather stark reminder of how I became "No Dosh" in the first place!
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Thu 7 Oct 2004 22:53
Can you help ? - Dalglish
that Mrs Dosh takes ...

>>

fruedian slip ?

is that where all the dosh goes and why you are no-dosh ?


;o) ;o) ;o)





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Fri 8 Oct 2004 09:21
Can you help ? - L'escargot
Just to settle this I should add that Mrs Dosh takes
great offence when people compare me to the extremely amusing but
slightly creepy Mr Gervais.... and she's a kickboxer with a habit
of winning bouts despite broken toes, torn ligaments, various bruises etc,
etc.
I can arrange a meeting if you like?
;o)


No thank you, but I still say your photo looks like Mr Gervais. (Ducks back into shell so that Mrs Dosh can't beat me up!!)
--
L'escargot by name, but not by nature.
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Fri 8 Oct 2004 12:03
Can you help ? - BazzaBear {P}
No thank you, but I still say your photo looks like
Mr Gervais. (Ducks back into shell so that Mrs Dosh can't
beat me up!!)
--
L'escargot by name, but not by nature.



Erm... if you're talking about the photo at the top of this thread, there's a very simple explanation for that... ;)
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Fri 8 Oct 2004 13:39
Can you help ? - Mark (RLBS)
>>but I still say your photo looks like Mr Gervais.

Either you\'re winding me up, or you really haven\'t realised why that is.
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Fri 8 Oct 2004 15:53
Can you help ? - L'escargot
>>but I still say your photo looks like Mr Gervais.
Either you\'re winding me up, or you really haven\'t realised why
that is.



Er.......No Dosh is Ricky Gervais' dad?
--
L'escargot by name, but not by nature.
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Fri 8 Oct 2004 17:36
Can you help ? - NowWheels
>> >>but I still say your photo looks like Mr Gervais.
>>
>> Either you\'re winding me up, or you really haven\'t realised
>> why that is.
Er.......No Dosh is Ricky Gervais' dad?


L'escargot, a wee hint. The clue might lie in the HTML source code for this page, which you can check for yourself.

The code which includes the photo is as follows:

src="http;//www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/quizzes/images/david_brent.gif"

[note, I've changed the colon after the http to a semicolon to stop the server treating it as a link ]
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Fri 8 Oct 2004 18:23
Can you help ? - Dalglish
the real no-dosh is at

photos.fotango.com/p/eba00453146f00000003.jpg

www.honestjohn.co.uk/forum/post/index.htm?t=24225&...f

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Fri 8 Oct 2004 18:29
Can you help ? - Adam {P}
Looks more like Chris Moyles!!!


Sorry ND!

--
Adam
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Fri 8 Oct 2004 19:44
Can you help ? - No Do$h
Looks more like Chris Moyles!!!
Sorry ND!
--
Adam


Actually that's much closer to the truth!

:o)

Only 4.5 hours to get home tonight (sigh). Off downstairs now to see if I can remember what my wife looks like.
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Fri 8 Oct 2004 20:02
Can you help ? - NowWheels
Only 4.5 hours to get home tonight (sigh)


Wouldn't it have been faster in a car? ;-)
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