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You'll go into a room and some hysterical communist will come in, with shares in the Labour Party, with Ken Livingstone and John Prescott as close friends. They may be accompanied by an equally hysterical Tofu lover from the Guardian. They will tell you over and over again that all speed of all sort kills (dont mention your speeding killed nobody, they dont take kindly to humour) and that to be safe you need to be slow and have your eyes glued on your speedo while old ladies and children get mangled under your front wheels, whom you didnt see, due to staring at the dash.
They'll probably spend the next 10 minutes telling you how speeding by 5mph has killed a Johnny Polar bear around Greenland, if you were doing 29mph, they'd have all been saved. They'll tell you 41 million children die on Britains roads every hour, and that by staring at your speedo and going slowly, you alone can fix this.
Following this you'll be given a patronising leaflet with such helpful nuggets as 'if you brake at 20, you will stop quicker than at 30' presumably on the same page where they confirm that after much scientific research, water does indeed quench your thirst and that the North Pole is 'jolly cold' (except of course it isnt, due to motoring, the Polar Bear has dismounted from the Fox's mint and is now having a Barby)
You'll be encouraged to become a pedestrian, a cyclist, or a peadophilic drug dealer, as all of these make you a better person than being a motorist. After all, you're more likely to be caught for speeding than for being a peado drug dealer, so motoring must be far worse.
Then you'll get a smack on the wrist, told not to do it again and all the funds from your awareness course will be redirected by the Police into keeping camera's on to make sure you have a repeat visit.
Have fun.
Edited by jamie745 on 25/09/2011 at 16:56
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