Title says it all, so a ripple of applause, please, for the Austin Allegro's square steering wheel, the Quartic.
Any others?
Edited by Pugugly on 10/04/2008 at 22:17
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Still got a Quartic wheel to show the boys who don't believe me.... [I must start taking bets....]
How about the Porsche 911's rear-mounted engine? That was such a good idea everybody copied it. [OK; Skoda did.]
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How about `Central Locking` when you always actuate it from the periphery? and the locks and ECU`s are not central. OK, you can sit inside on the transmission tunnel and be `in charge ` of the doors but....
Anyway, what`s central locking ;)
Or `Wind Up Windows` when actually they relax you rather than wind you up as you`re aware there are no electronics to go wrong...
Electric windows..... what next? What a waste of time and complexity ;)
Edited by oilrag on 10/04/2008 at 20:04
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Or how about `Air Con`? perhaps the cons ok? Last needed going through Slough in 1986, but got by by winding the windows down. ;)
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Ignition key. In a diesel?
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Cup holders. Now if they were mug holders or tumbler holders, but imagine taking your best Royal Crown Derby in the car with you, where would one put the saucer for goodness sake ?
Edited by Pugugly on 10/04/2008 at 20:26
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`Car Bra` (USA) " I tried a full set but the exhaust burnt through the gusset"
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A bra with a gusset ? Interesting.
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A bra with a gusset ? Interesting.
They get lower with time!!
Best.............Martin.
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A bra with a gusset ? Interesting.
as far as im aware its called a corsett, but i wouldnt know for sure as i only read car mags :]
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How about the Porsche 911's rear-mounted engine? That was such a good idea everybody copied it. [OK; Skoda did.]
Not everyone likes the Skoda Estelle. But what's wrong with it has nothing to do with the position of the power unit.
As for the Porsche 911 (and 356, and VW Beetle, and Hans Ledwinka's Tatras - remember he was a Sudeten German like Ferdinand Porsche), again, not everyone likes them. But plenty do, who know what they're talking about and have taste.
Of course you know plenty Screwloose, but that doesn't mean you're right in every single judgement. I like rear-engined cars. Makes a change.
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>>[OK; Skoda did.]
Mmm, Hillman Imp, Fiat 126,
Lud! That horse that you're flogging - it's dead!
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I am not flogging a horse.
I am scolding Screwloose for gross condemnation of a perfectly valid layout for automobiles. And if necessary NC, I can be persuaded to scold you too.
By the way, rear engine position doesn't have a stupid name. Or if it does I haven't heard it. So this fine feature shouldn't even be in this thread.
Edited by Lud on 10/04/2008 at 20:56
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"Smokers' Pack".
It's an ashtray for goodness sake!
Edited by Dynamic Dave on 10/04/2008 at 22:11
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Lud
You're quite right - no silly name, so it doesn't count. Although having scared myself witless suddenly swapping ends in a Dauphine [you forgot Renault, didn't you...] rest assured that hopeless layout has been called quite a few things in it's time....
I wouldn't have wanted to even get into a Tatra V8......
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"Hillman Imp, Fiat 126"
Not to mention a few other Fiats, the VW Camper, various Renaults and nearly all modern buses.
My favourites were the Clan and Ginetta G15, both extremely nimble and fun to drive.
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If I remember correctly the quartic steering wheel was designed to allow a bit more room for entry and exit. (between seat and wheel when in the right position).
Good thinking but a fairly crude solution. I've come across several sort of ovoid shaped steering wheels with the same function in mind. Rover SD1 maybe ?
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Land Rover's 'stadium seating' deserves a rosette here. The back seat is a bit higher than the front. Woo-hoo.
I don't know if the brachial slits behind the front wheels of the latest Jaguars have a name, but they look daft too - more piscine than feline. In the case of the XF (whose styling is growing on me but which still looks like a mish-mash - or a mished opportunity) they take the space where the leaping cat badge might reasonably have gone, so it now has to perch sideways across the boot.
And just to hand out a bit of praise in an unexpected direction, do the radiating tail lamps of the current BMW 5 saloon have a name? They look to me like a bit more than half of an Art Deco mantelpiece clock, and I find them very pleasing. The estate version doesn't get them and looks duller for it.
And finally - Privacy Glass, anyone? Perhaps we should do a separate thread on that one...
};---)
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iDrive.
Nothing to do with driving, and what does the i stand for? Intelligent? Intuitive? Idiotic?
Replaces a set of supposedly "confusing" minor controls which good, ergonomically aware designers can easily manage to implement perfectly satisfactorily with a system seemingly designed to distract you as much as possible. Being forced into hastily including the additional quick access "pre-set" buttons on the dash was an admission of failure if ever there was one, not to mention completely defeating the object of the system in the first place.
I like BMW's. I really do. But reducing themselves to gimmickry like this, and trying to give it .com cool with a stupid, nonsensical InterCapped name.....
BMW don't need to lower themselves to nonsense like this. It's the answer to a question nobody asked.
Where is the real value-add of this thing?
Cheers
DP
Edited by DP on 10/04/2008 at 22:45
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How about re-naming some common modern "features"?
"Cornering" lights - "Can't be bothered to use the indicators, these'll have to do" lights
"ABS" - "Don't worry about using them till the very last second" brakes
"EBA" - "Make every collision a multiple"
"Follow me home lights" - "Showing-off-the-new-car-to-the neighbours" lights
HID lights, front foglights - "showing off to everyone else on the planet" lights
"Rear foglights" - "Rear every-conceivable-weather-condition-except-fog" lights
"High-visibility jackets" - "Everyone from the dustman to the florist's wearing 'em" jackets
"Leather seats" - "20 quid a square inch, suits you sir, must have seen you coming" seats
"Hazard warning lights" - "Life-threateningly important trip to cashpoint, off licence or bookies lights"
"Baby on board" sign - "Nothing's changed, I'm still going to drive like a moron, and I want LOTS of room" sign
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"Three door", and "Five door".
They're not doors, they're a boot with a window.
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Punture kit should be remamed: "can't be bothered with a flat tyre so have a can of gunge kit"
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Glove compartment.......anyone keep their gloves in there???
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How do we upgrade air conditioning? .......... "Climate control" of course.
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Daft design features:
Automatic wipers, automatic headlights, auto dipping rearview mirror - are drivers so lazy that they can't do it themselves? Or so inept that they dare not take a hand from the wheel?
Electric handbrake - Why?
A silly name which springs to mind:
Autronic Eye - an automatic headlight dipper fitted to Cadillacs in the early 50s, to prevent dazzle of oncoming drivers. Was soon dropped as it caused headlights to randomly flicker as the car passed street lights.
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Automatic wipers automatic headlights auto dipping rearview mirror - are drivers so lazy that they can't do it themselves? Or so inept that they dare not take a hand from the wheel?
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Accelerators? Are drivers so inept that they can't operate separate throttle, timing and mixture controls?
Actually auto wipers are great when the rain is a bit too heavy for intermittent, not heavy enough for wipers fully on.
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"Climate control" of course.
I just wonder they can't make a very big version of this to sort out this global warming thingy.
..and I've never found the 'early mist giving way to sunny periods' setting on mine.
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The stupidest names are some of the model names, especially the foreign ones.
They should bring back emotive names like Vanguard, Rapier, etc
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"The stupidest names are some of the model names"
Keep seeing a Mitsubishi Spacestar on my travels and what an ugly beast it is too, hardly the embodiment of a pan-galactic transport vessel.
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Wait until the Bugatti Vogon comes out!
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"The stupidest names are some of the model names"
We cannot let that pass with remembering the thing of beauty that was the Mazda Bongo Friendee.
All bow.
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The Daihatsu Charade was an astonishing name. I was always expecting it to be joined by the "Farce" and the "Debacle".
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The Aston Martin Virage must have seemed a bit daft in France. Who would buy any car, let alone one like this when it's called a "corner"?
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I agree, there have been some classics:
And the Mitsubishi Carisma. I just cannot accept that irony played no part in this at all, and the name was pure coincidence.
Does anyone know if there's any truth in the story about the Mitsubishi Starion being named as such because of a Japanese mispronunciation of Stallion?
Cheers
DP
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Does anyone know if there's any truth in the story about the Mitsubishi Starion being named as such because of a Japanese mispronunciation of Stallion?
In Lincoln there's a Chinese takeaway called Legal Food. It's rumoured that the owner mis-pronounced Regal when instructing the sign writer!
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I passed a motel in America once called the King's Ransom. With a promise like that implicit in its name, no economy-minded Limey was going to stop there. I wonder what made the owners call it that?
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perhaps someone can tell me why is the bit with the speedo and switches etc is called a 'dashboard'?
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>Glove compartment.......anyone keep their gloves in there???<
Yes, I do.
And, I have to say, the 'quartic' steering wheel was about the best and most sensible design feature of the Allegro that I suffered for a few months, years ago. As it was on my Rover SD1s. It is also a feature of a number of so-called 'supercars'.
I wouldn't even call 'quartic' (an accurate description) a stupid name compared with some of the dross you see in today's cars - 'follow me home' lights indeed. Surely if they're in use you are home already? Maybe the sort of person who buys cars with some of the stuff mentioned in this thread is the sort who can't find their front door in the dark. Sigh...
This contribution was, of course, meant to be much further up the thread but, as usual, it didn't arrive there. Maybe there's a name for this non-working feature too?
Edited by mike hannon on 11/04/2008 at 13:21
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Now I've arrived at the bottom of the thread, can I just say that 'dashboards' were originally placed in front of passengers on horse-drawn vehicles to protect them from being splashed by the front wheels and the 'Starion' story has a pretty good grounding.
I've seen a cover from the Chinese national airline's 'Infright Magazine'...
Man in Chinese restaurant to waiter: 'Tell the cook this chicken's rubbery!'
Waiter: 'Thank you velly much'...
I'll get my coat.
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Wash and wipe ? No scrape and then squirt :-((
Foot well. Feet in water or No problem with my feet. ;-(
Boot liner. 'Pon my sole.
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Parcel shelf.
Yeah, go on then. Put a parcel on it and then see how good your brakes are.
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I've always thought one of the silliest bits of terminology is 'fifth wheel' to describe the coupling plate on an artic tractor unit. It's not a wheel, it doesn't rotate, and it's not completely round.
Anyway, many artic tractor units these days have 3 axles, so on them it should be called the 'seventh' wheel - or if you're pedantic and count twinned wheels on the same hub separately, the 'ninth wheel' or even 'eleventh wheel'!!!
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'Dynaflow', 'Dynapower' and so on to describe two or three-speed power-guzzling slushpump transmissions guaranteed to ensure fluffy torque delivery... Just as well given the tyres, shock-absorbers and braking systems fitted to most American cars in the fifties and sixties, and of course their very low-geared steering (even when power-assisted, they didn't want to surprise the midwestern motorist, nosirreee...)
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Skoda Roomster (Skoda Part) Dog Guard. Put it like this it doesn't.
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1950s motorists can still be heard referring to "trafficators" and the "wireless" fitted to "motor cars" when in company of motorists of the same generation, which always makes me smile.
Now that the feature we all know and love as a "cigar(ette) lighter" has become an "accessory socket", what new name - and function - should we give to the "ashtray", assuming it survives the next few years of the eco-bio-unleaded-non-smoking-CFC,asbestos and nitrate-free brave new world...?
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My car radio is still a Wireless.
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what new name - and function - should we give to the "ashtray"
How about a pre-emptive road toll integrated currency storage unit?
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