SWMBO (in my absence) decides she's going to mow the lawn. Remembering the mower's out of petrol she gets the can out. She can't open it. She gets a more beefy (but still female) friend to try. No success. They simply cannot budge it with their hands.
At this point I should explain that the can is an all-metal thing with a brass cap which has two wide notches opposite each other.
If you are male you will immediately get the point: you can't open it by hand, because it's been REALLY tightened up to stop it leaking. You will also immediately know (by a man's intuition) what our neighbour (male) saw straight away: "You need a metal bar through the notches to open that - a screwdriver, for instance."
SWMBO is dumbfounded. How could anyone just look at it ... and KNOW?
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I wonder how many women looking under the bonnet of VW 'New' Beetles have been laughed at by 'experts' who think the engine's in the back!
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Just reading this thread out to my wife and she replied " what's a tailgate??" I looked at her in the usual 'you can't be serious' way and when I explained she replied " ahhh! you mean the boot".
It's just scary, very scary.
(She asked last night why bumpers aren't made out of sponge, so they 'wouldn't hurt pedestrians')
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By the same token, as a single bloke that lives on his own (hi girls!) it always amazes/shocks/frightens me how some married men cannot fend for them selves when the Mrs isn't there to feed them. Check out the behavior of "men" when they go food shopping with their other halves, they turn into meek little boys.
Back to the OP, if she can't open the boot, I'll bet the poor car has never had it's fluids checked.
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"Back to the OP, if she can't open the boot, I'll bet the poor car has never had it's fluids checked"
Well the woman's only had it a week and for all we know it's brand new so maybe the fluids don't need checking yet?
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what fluids do you have to check in the boot then? i've never heard of that?
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The most important ones. Easy open ring pull design.
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what fluids do you have to check in the boot then? i've never heard of that?
Well if it's a mk2 Cavalier, the rear windscreen wash bottle.
And if it's a rear engined car (eg Ferrari, Porshe, vw beetle, skoda 100/110) then as per what you would normally check when you lift the bonnet.
And finally if on a booze cruise back from France, make sure all the beer and wine bottles haven't smashed after going over speed bumps ;o)
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And if it's a rear engined car (eg Ferrari Porshe vw beetle skoda 100/110) then as per what you would normally check when you lift the bonnet.
IIRC Porsches and VWs have their brake fluid and screenwash in the boot, at the front.
Hawkeye
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Stranger in a strange land
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Yes, also being a singlebloke who can cook a mean meal and generally look after himself (cough, hello girls as well) I know what you mean. One of my married friends rang me up the other day when his wife was away to see if I wanted to go out for a curry. I asked him what he'd eaten since she'd been away and he replied "Toast". Bless.
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My SWMBO when she first drove my car ( 3.0 S type)........having never driven an auto and been used to a diesel Pug 306........complained of an intermittent warning light coming on.......
I had never noticed one, so was intrigued........she narrowed it down to wet days
which meant it was the traction control, as she'd been driving it with the same amount of welly she'd used in hers
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My SWMBO when she first drove my car ( 3.0 S type)...she'd been driving it with the same amount of welly she'd used in hers
:^D Excellent
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"She asked last night why bumpers aren't made out of sponge, so they 'wouldn't hurt pedestrians"
Not as daft as it may sound. Skoda are using cake (might be a sponge cake though)
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Just reading this thread out to my wife and she replied " what's a tailgate??" I looked at her in the usual 'you can't be serious' way and when I explained she replied " ahhh! you mean the boot".
Sounds like she was having fun! I must remember that one for my own use. :)
It reminds me a little of one my father's favourite lame jokes.
Woman visits husband in hospital, who he notes that she's very late and asks why.
"What happened?", he asks.
"Car wouldn't start".
"Why?"
"Because," says she, "there's water in the carburettor".
He suggests calling his pal over to fix it, and they get on with discussing his recovery. Suddenly a nagging doubt in his mind crystallises into a barked question:
"Hey, how did you know there was water in the car's carburettor????"
"Because the car is in the swimming pool"
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Despite being shown twice, my wife can't start my Ford Taurus. Not a complex or exotic vehicle by any means. But the key fits into some sort of barrel and you start the car by turning that, not the key itself... and it has now stumped her on two separate occasions.
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I remember my poor departed 1st wife (bless her) we once had a car with the indicators on the right of the steering column. So it was flick up to turn left, flick down to turn right. We got a replacement with indicators on the left.....and of course it was still (to her at least) flick up to turn left, flick down to turn right. I explained til I was blue in the face, but to no avail.
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I find this rather an odd thread in this politically correct world.
Many women such as Violette Szabo, Yvonne Rudelat and Odette Sansom were the bravest and clever people ever in WW11. They were tortured terribly and many died without telling any secrets. They could not only drive, but could parachute and use guns.
They say that if men had to have babies, not many would be born.
Some women have even run their countries, quite well in some cases!
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I think it's fairly light-hearted, quizman! I tried to inject some PC earlier on to redress a balance! I am sure any sane, normal woman wouldn't object... would they? They make enough jokes about us. But, look..... I can spell kumitmunt... commuttmint.... commiitmunt....
Ah never mind.
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I am sure any sane normal woman wouldn't object... would they? They make enough jokes about us.
I'm afraid you're wrong there stevied... My wife for example is horrified by the acronym SWMBO which she regards as sarcastic and patronising (as it is actually, although that isn't the way people usually mean it). She despises all generalisation about 'women' when it is in this sort of context, i.e. a largely, indeed overwhelmingly male forum. My guess is that most women would grit their teeth at the title of this thread alone, even if they find it expedient to pretend they don't mind. Of course in a context dominated by women the whole thing changes.
Yes, Ms Lud was for many years and still is a fellow-traveller of what I used to call 'The Ladies' Liberation Front'. Now that did make her laugh - she has a GSOH - but any jokes in this area are risky. Perhaps Polo Girl and NowWheels can enlighten us in better detail?
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I agree about SWMBO. What really does grind my gears (motoring link) is that the jokes and comments are somehow OK one way but not the other. That's not equality is it?
Have it both ways or not at all is my slightly risqué take on it.
And before all hell descends on me, I am actually a feminist, in the true sense of the word, rather than the dumbed-down Spice Girls/ Cosmoplitan (the magazine) sense of it.
And that is my last word on the subject. : )
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I think it's fairly light-hearted quizman!
It was supposed to be. The story was also true, but I have no way of proving that. The lady in question is no archetypal fluffy blonde, she is not stupid, neither has she been without a car for more than about 6 or 7 weeks. Given that her last car was a Saxo VTR which has the tailgate release in substantially the same place, I was, and am still, surprised that she needed to resort to the manual, and then ask her gardener how to get into the boot.
Hawkeye
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Stranger in a strange land
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what is wrong in having a light hearted laugh at the foibles between the sexes...
we all have pluses and minuses
if SWMBO were to comment on here...........she could tell you loads of my mistakes, it's just that i'm not willing to admit them myself
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Answer honestly: how many people here who use the term SWMBO actually use the phrase in their daily conversations?
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Answer honestly: how many people here who use the term SWMBO actually use the phrase in their daily conversations?
fair enough........but...........our female contributors don't use HWMBO do they, which would tend to suggest SWMBO is accurate 0-)
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Since my post my wife got a fly in her eye. I asked her to look right, her eyes went left, right, up and down. Do any women know left from right?
I have changed my mind, women are only good for cleaning/washing/cooking/driving home from the pub/and discussing Uganda!
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Since my post my wife got a fly in her eye. I asked her to look right her eyes went left
She probably thought you meant your right. I doubt that you actually specified that you meant her right. Under those circumstances I think she did the right thing!
--
L\'escargot.
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When you train a sheepdog the comands are "away" to go to the dogs right and "comebye" to the dogs left.
I have trained my wife along these lines, so when I say right I expect her to look right immediately!
She's just brought me a bottle of cold Bitgurger, she's not too bad really. If she knew what I have been saying it would have been opened on my head!!!
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I do call my SWMBO that to her face - saying that, she extremely savvy, she has a financial/mathematical/analytical brain that has helped the joint PU and MrsPU economy reach a zenith whereby we'll both be retired at 50, due to her financial planning and hard work, she also insured that we paid our mortgage by our forties. She drives a quick car very well, she passed her CBT on her bike - but chose not to proceed. She could probably outdrive most men in a 4x4 where these cars should be driven (i.e. off-road). She also cooks and maintains the household, more importantly when I have a desire for something automotive, it is she that negotiates the best price for me. I can assure you that she know her left from right, she can open her boot/tailgate. I've not taken her racing yet but I'm sure she'd be very good at that - oh and when PU's had a beer or so she drives the 535 with aplomb and a turn of speed that I wouldn't dare.
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>Perhaps Polo Girl and NowWheels can enlighten us in better detail?
On the contrary. I stayed away from this thread to let the men have their fun belittling women. Meanwhile I'm just thankful I'm not married to any of them!
Stupid people are stupid people... gender doesn't come into it.
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I was trying my best but got talked out of it, sorry PoloGirl.
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"Stupid people are stupid people... gender doesn't come into it."
You're right there, and IMHO some comments here a bit OTT. But I hope, PoloGirl, that the odd lighthearted comment is taken in the spirit in which it's intended.
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On the contrary. I stayed away from this thread to let the men have their fun belittling women. Meanwhile I'm just thankful I'm not married to any of them! Stupid people are stupid people...
See what I mean? A distinct note of sourness.
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PU, that's as fine a tribute to one's other half as I've seen in years. It warms the heart! I don't know of there are any little PUs, but in my case SWMBO wouldn't make claim to financial expertise, but has done a marvellous job bringing up 4 children - now adult - much better than anything I could have done on my own.
Reasonable, then, for her to rely on me to check things on her car. I remember a Renault 5 (Y-reg, so it must have been early 1980s) whose bonnet catch she never found in the 3 years we had it - a tribute to one of our many reliable Renaults rather than any deficiency on her part. (There we are, that's kept this motoring-related....)
If one's going to be serious, and in fairness the original post wasn't very, everyone has their own talents - as PG says, gender isn't anything to do with it. But men and women can be different whilst being equal - life wouldn't be any fun if that weren't the case.
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Too bad she's already taken. :o(
;o)
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I do call my SWMBO that to her face
I think it must be a lawyer thing... :o)
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Actually you're probably right Lud. I was a fan of Rumpole and adopted it from there.....you should hear what she calls me.
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>>Despite being shown twice, my wife can't start my Ford Taurus.
Reminds me of the old joke:
What do you say to the woman with two black eyes?
I've told you twice already.
Before the ton of bricks descends on me. Last night, a woman who said 'my husband wouldn't let me do that' SWMBO replied 'I wouldn't let my husband not let me do that'.
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....you should hear what she calls me.
The mid boggles... I've been called a few things in my time too.
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You would have thought that women's intuition - as well as the screeching sound and the smell of burning rubber - would have notified my SWMBO the other day that it might be a good idea to ease off the gas if your wheels are spinning when trying to get up the ramp that leads to our driveway. No, instead she kept it going for at least 5 seconds, leaving a nice powdered rubber residue on the driveway. As I said before, no traction control on my car...
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Mrs PU reminds me a bit of Mrs MM: manages the household and all the MM finances to a high stanndard, manages darling daughter; in short a great organiser. Far better than me at any of that sort of thing. I'm a very lucky fella. Oh, and she has characteristics that, IMO, make for a good interprsonal relationship too.
On Saturday she kerbed an alloy on he BM while parking. I'm filing for divorce.
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I don't think it's got anything to do with intuition. We are good at things we are interested in, and bad at those we are not.
I am interested in old metal petrol cans with leather washers - Shell, Pratt's, BP etc. But for some reason my wife is not.
I can stand helplesly in the supermarket looking for parmesan cheese, expecting it to be in the cheese section. My wife just knows, instinctively, that it is in pasta and sauces.
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To try & restore the balance slightly:
I had the Megane valeted by a burly chap. I returned after 3 hours whereupon he said he hadn't cleaned inside the boot as he'd not been able to open it.
I pressed the button under the tailgate - open sesame!
Obviously not many Meganes get valeted round our area...
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I think it's fair enough that men laugh at women's foibles as long as men are able to see and laugh at our own. I believe, too, that it is now accepted that the brains of the two sexes do not work in quite the same way, though whether this has any bearing on some of the stories here is another matter.
On reflecting on my own contribution above, I came to the conclusion that I would have known how to open the petrol can (yes, indeed, it does have a leather washer!) because I had a large Meccano set when I was five and I had a father who had been involved in the development of agricultural machinery during the war, resulting in a garage full of various mechanical bits and bobs. If any machine went wrong he would dismantle it, possibly fabricate a new part and rebuild it. As a child I would have absorbed much from that environment.
Which brings me to the title of the thread - is it really a question of intuition? Are there some inbuilt, inborn mechanical or technical senses which men have and women don't? Or is there at least a tendency to be interested in that side of things in men rather than women?
When my first son was born we decided to be as non-sexist in his upbringing as possible. Despite our best efforts his first word was "Mini" (= the car). Soon after he learned to talk he came out with this priceless pronouncement which is still much quoted in the family: "Men drive Rolls Royces; women drive Minis." By the age of four he could identify the make and model of virtually every car on the road. We did try.
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>I can stand helplesly in the supermarket looking for parmesan cheese, expecting it to be in the cheese section.
Where do you shop, Cliff? I've always found parmesan in with the cheeses. Unless you mean that awful dried stuff that comes in a cardboard drum and smells of sick.
You're right, though, that we are all receptive to information, just to different kinds. My wife could probably compile a long list of the things I ought to know but don't, like what to pack for the children when we go away; meanwhile, I can't understand why she won't get the message that our Volvo's boot release is a switch, not a latch, and that it takes half a second or so to open. A tiny thing, I know, but I wince every time she grabs it like a door handle and yanks the whole car upwards.
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>I can stand helplesly in the supermarket looking for parmesan cheese expecting it to be in the cheese section. Where do you shop Cliff? I've always found parmesan in with the cheeses. Unless you mean that awful dried stuff that comes in a cardboard drum and smells of sick.
I confess, I did mean the sick stuff. I'm impressed by the sophistication of someone who grates his own parmesan - I must look into this and amend my image. Probably it is nicer too.
tiny thing I know but I wince every time she grabs it like a door handle and yanks the whole car upwards.
Gosh - one of the lighter-weight Volvettes then?
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Of the obvious joys associated with being married to someone 18 years younger is that from time to time the phrase "I am a bit more familiar" can be used with some gravity. However, not withstanding my ability around the kitchen, learned wisdom in doing the shopping (cant survive on 15 litres of assorted fruit juices, 5 kgs of bananas and what ever new exotic imported fruit is the most expensive) there are a few 'obstacles' to be over come: local practise is to avoid the troublesome problem of attending driving lessons and take a test by simply 'purchasing' a driving license!!!
Innocently/ignorantly I commented at the frightening driving and gear grating performance of one of her friends 'when did she pass her test' the laughter was deafening - needless to say, I do the driving in our household.
Reminds me, one of the problems in my earlier days 'out here' was the number of nouveau locals that had struck it rich and immediately acquired a 7 series BMW....this after having only ever driven a Lada. Really, you would not believe the places you could deposit such a big car........one half way up the side of a church was the benchmark.
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"how many people here who use the term SWMBO actually use the phrase in their daily conversations?"
I used to work with a bloke who used to refer to his wife in this fashion. He was the most irritating person I ever worked with!
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a bloke who used to refer to his wife inthis fashion. He was the most irritating person I ever worked with!
Didn't refer to himself as 'yours truly' by any chance?
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...and to you as 'your good self'?
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He went through the whole repertoire. I still shudder at "'t'was ever thus" and "that concludes the entertainment" EVERY evening.
On a motoring note, he did n't drive.
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On a motoring note he did n't drive.
I don't think "not driving" counts as being motoring-related.
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He sounds like the characters off the old Harry Enfield show:
"So what are we driving then?"
"Bit of a Rover 416 GTi twin cam 16 valver"
Etc.
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~~I don't think "not driving" counts as being motoring-related~~
Point taken - amend to "on a motoring note he was ferried around by his long suffering wife."
He always referred to her car as the "jam jar"
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.. and his house as 'Chateau .... (name)', pubs as 'hostelries', etc.? Sounds like a minor Kingsley Amis character...
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Sorry... does not having anything to do with vehicles count as motoring-related? Perhaps in some people's company such a person might end up needing an ambulance.
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We just bought lovely MX-5 with a hardtop. For some reason my wife will not take the hardtop off, I wouldn't mind but she was the one who said that air-con was not required as you could put the top down! Its a bit like a coffin in there without aircon in the summer. On another note there is rather more rust on this 2002 car than I thought there would be, not helped by the wheel arch lips being jammed full of mud, it looked like I had shoveled a field onto the drive when I had cleaned the impacted mud out.
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I think us guys should be able to get our own back and have a snigger at the ladies. I mean, since I can emember TV comedies have always portrayed the men of the household as idle, shiftless, stupid and incompetent.....whilst the women of the household have been barkingly efficient harridans. And as for the oft mentioned complaint "why can't you put the toilet seat down when you have finished" the answer is, "why can't you lift it up when YOU have finished"!
On the motoring note though, I think it is true to say that females have great multitasking skills, i.e. they can nag you and drive at the same time, but (generally) have poor spacial awareness.
But hey, I love them....I am married to one.
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Oh dear I thought I'd have to eat my words.....
Dismayed phone call mid afternoon, Mrs PU couldn't turn the rear wiper off on the Golf.......Got home and had to pop back to the Office (see 335i thread), Heavens she was right, whichever way you waggled the wiper stalk, the thing wouldn't stop !!!!!. RFM time, only to find that VW do advise you that the wiper will continue to wipe for some time after you turn it off. Why's that then ?
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Just a bunch of Teutonic sexists trying to wind people up innit?
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