Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Sofa Spud
Mr.Flatcap used to flash his lights at oncoming Volvos to remind their drivers they'd left their lights on.

Here are some of his more recent public-spirited comments made in car parks:

"Excuse me, but I don't think you're bonnet's shut properly." (To owner of latest Vauxhall Astra)

"Nasty misfire you've got there, plug lead must have come loose." (to owner of Subaru Impreza)

"Looks bad but I know a chap round the corner who can knock those dents out cheaply." (to BMW Z4 owner)

Does anyone have any more Flatcapisms?
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - BazzaBear {P}
"Someone's nicked your door handles!" (To Alfa 156 Owner)?

BTW, I don't get the BMW one, that's right isn't it?
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - cheddar
Once you take all of that cling film off it might actually look reasonable (To new Civic owner).

Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - massey

Somebody filled in your door keyhole (Renault Laguna keyless entry)
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Sofa Spud
>>>BTW, I don't get the BMW one, that's right isn't it?<<<

Chris Bangle styled the Z4 with built in dents!
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Sofa Spud
Like my dad used to say of the original 1950's Vauxhall Victor -"The only car that looks like it's been involved in an accident even before it leaves the showroom!"
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - BazzaBear {P}
>>>BTW, I don't get the BMW one, that's right isn't it?<<<
Chris Bangle styled the Z4 with built in dents!

Quite. It's the golf ball principle, makes it faster.

As a Fiat Coupe owner, I'm absolutely convinced that Bangle is the same genius he always was - it's just that he's still being paid by FIAT group, to screw up BMW.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Pugugly {P}
it's just that he's still being paid by FIAT group, to screw up BMW.

Well I wouldn't pay him in washers then. Look at the difference in BMW's balance sheet and Fiat's. Red numbers are generally viewed as being "not good" in these cases.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Aprilia
it's just that he's still being paid by FIAT group,
to screw up BMW.
Well I wouldn't pay him in washers then. Look at the
difference in BMW's balance sheet and Fiat's. Red numbers are generally
viewed as being "not good" in these cases.


Reading the trade press it seems that things are looking up for FIAT. They showed a profit in Q4 2005 and predictions for growing profit on the back on Grand Punto and new Alfa Spider etc. They may come good after all these years......
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - henry k
Reading the trade press it seems that things are looking up for FIAT.
They showed a profit in Q4 2005 and predictions for growing profit on the back on Grand Punto and new Alfa Spider etc. >>They may come good after all these years......

>>

I wish them luck but where are the dealers?

The coverage is awful in my area of SW London. /Surrey
Only three in the region that is half of the area inside of the M25.
If you use
tinyurl.com/msnae
and select any KT1 you will see how bad the coverage is and this is with such a large population to tempt.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - patently
Reading the trade press it seems that things are looking up
for FIAT. They showed a profit in Q4 2005 and
predictions for growing profit on the back ......


Never heard that before ..... yawn.....
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - NowWheels
Somebody filled in your door keyhole (Renault Laguna keyless entry)


They did exactly that to my Almera. No key slot at all on the driver's door, but there is one on the passenger side, except that it has been covered with a little plastic blanking plate, which the manual says can be easily removed if you ever need to use the key.

I'm not sure how excatly it is that covering up the keyhole improves things, but no doubt some marketing suit decided that it was A Good Thing TM
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - bobda
"I couldn't help but notice when you were driving just then, that your car appeared to be on fire" (to VAG diesel owner)
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Lud
'I say my man, one of your pennants is slightly askew' (to white van with three St George's crosses mounted here and there).
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - patently
"Nasty problem, is it then?"

... to a 911 owner taking something out of the luggage compartment while parked at the roadside.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Lud
'Did you know that one of your wheels seems smaller than the other three and has lost its rather splendid trim?'
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Pugugly {P}
This is a genuine one froman elderly ex-motorcyclist when he cast an expert eye over my R1200GS in the the village the other week.

"Don't move it the rear wheel's spindle has fallen out" (the GS' spindle is hollow - which looks pretty cool really)
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - local yokel
To owner of (insert any vehicle over £100k, with mpg<12)

"Ooh, I bet it hurts your wallet when you have to fill her up"
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Big Bad Dave
My recently dearly departed great Aunt Dolly from Rusholme - "Ooooh look, even the passenger gets a mirror"
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - none
I'm no Mr Flatcap, but last week some know all young muppet had to ask me what what the choke knob in my car was for. I soon put him right, I'll tell you.
This is true by the way, the company car park is used for customer parking, staff parking, and rental van parking. Staff leave their car keys in so they can be moved about as required. This 'new' lad had to move a few cars about and was intrigued by what he thought might be a bonnet pull.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Altea Ego
A choke knob? heavens above. Not had a car with one of those for over 20 years.

Question, what was the last mainstream production car in the UK fitted with a choke knob,
------------------------------
TourVanMan TM < Ex RF >
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Avant
Last one we had was a C-reg Renault 5 of SWMBO's (1986).

Hang on - I remember a friend with a J-reg (1992) Volvo 440 with a manual choke.

Maybe something from Eastern Europe might be the last.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - PhilW
What's a choke knob? (the mind boggles)
Phil the diesel driver
--
Phil
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Avant
Come to think of it, what is your car, None?

I wonder if you are the splendid man who (this is true), moving in to a house next door to one rather pompously called 'Nihil Secundum' (Second to None) promptly renamed his house 'None'.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Union Jack
Avant - Psst! May I suggest (as unpompously as possible of course, and this *is* true) that you mean "Nulli Secundus" ...

Jack
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - henry k
Hang on - I remember a friend with a J-reg (1992) Volvo 440 with a manual choke.
Maybe something from Eastern Europe might be the last.

>>
IIRC J/K reg is when the change over to more strict MoT tests came into effect so I would guess that was the end of the manual choke.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Dynamic Dave
The only car I've ever owned that had a choke knob was my old Allagro - complete with clothes peg to stop it sliding back in of it's own accord.

Manual chokes on motorbikes were quite common, they may well still be?
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Jonathan {p}
The only car I've ever owned that had a choke knob
was my old Allagro


All agro sounds about right there!

My 1985 1.1 fiesta had a manual choke, guaranteed to stall every morning when the temp was <5C
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Steptoe
....looks up in surprise.... can't manual choke conversion kits be bought any more? seems like only the other day I fitted a nice new shiny choke knob to replace the suspect auto version on the Volvo 740
----------------------------------------------

One mans junk is another mans treasure
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Altea Ego
I remember now. The last car in the RF household was Nicoles R5, 1989 vintage. I have not had a new car with a choke knob since 1979
------------------------------
TourVanMan TM < Ex RF >
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - SpamCan61 {P}
Cavalier Mk2 was the last car I had with a manual choke, even then the autochoke was a standard fit by '84 (IIRC), I retrifitted a vauxhall conversion kit on my '86 model.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - martint123
Manual chokes on motorbikes were quite common, they may well still be?

Both mine have, but I think current models have to be injection now for EU emission regs - so a software choke I guess.

Martin
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Pugugly {P}
My new bike has fuel injection and no choke. All bikes in the next twelve months will have to be complient with some EU directive thing and consequently carbs will be outlawd on new bikes Triumph are investing heavily in respect of the Triumph and Bonnerville.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Lud
The Skodas I drove until a couple of years ago had a choke trigger on the floor, like an old Saab. The old ways are best. If the idle jet got clogged with carp you could use the choke for emergency fast-idle get-you-home stuff.

These modern things are fabulous, never go out of tune, just start and run and are surprisingly handy... but there's always the knowledge that something can just go phut! like a light bulb and there you are, need a new ECU or something.

Actually not usually, it's often some ancillary. But you knew where you were with points and carburettors. Didn't need a special machine or laptop.

'Tired and emotional old hack baffled by new technology'. Only old Private Eye readers will worm their way through the swear filter with that one.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - cheddar
Manual chokes on motorbikes were quite common, they may well still be?
Both mine have, but I think current models have to be
injection now for EU emission regs - so a software choke
I guess.


In 2003 bikes had to comply with, IIRC, EURO II which was the end of a few great carburettored bikes. I had one of that last ZX7R's, any non conforming bikes had to be registered just before the cut off date in mid June '03. The excellent Fazer 600 also fell foul of the new regs. Some carb bikes were able to meet the new regs, Hornet, ZRX to name but two.

However it seems that forthcoming EURO III (or whatever) regs will be the end of carburettors, shame, there is nothing like flicking on the choke of a well set up 4 cyl carbed bike engine, flicking the starter and easing off the choke as the burbling from the exhaust evens out.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - mike hannon
What will be the fate of the Enfield India then - if carburettors are outlawed? Maybe I should have bought one instead of thinking about it for years.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - cheddar
What will be the fate of the Enfield India then -
if carburettors are outlawed? Maybe I should have bought one instead
of thinking about it for years.


There will be some exceptions, bikes in a low state of tune that run fairly efficiently, not sure if the Enfield fits that description though.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - cheddar
A choke knob? heavens above. Not had a car with one
of those for over 20 years.
Question, what was the last mainstream production car in the UK
fitted with a choke knob,


K Series 8v Metro pre Rover 100 so up to about '95 I guess.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - cheddar
I had a '68 Beetle and lived at the bottom of a steep hill at the time, the Beetle had an auto choke that worked via a notched snail cam, every morning going up the hill the snail cam would flick over due to the angle of the car. I had to stop at the top leaving the engine revving it's nuts off while I got out, went around the back and flicked the snail cam back again. Reckon I was not very popular with the local residents.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - rcspeirs
Aprilia Mille, despite having fuel injection, also has a choke. Before anyone asks why, no, I do not understand the logic of that!

Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - mss1tw
Never had a car with choke - but I was gobsmacked by the fact my Dads V reg (99) Transporter diesel still has a cold start knob!!

Absolutely ridiculous - a friends N reg non turbo diesel Fiesta doesn't have one. So much for VW being a 'premium' brand.

My R reg (98) bike has a manual choke.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - daveyjp
'Those cars are electric aren't they?' Commonly heard when we had a smart, it was even said to me while I was actually filling with petrol!
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Aprilia
Aprilia Mille, despite having fuel injection, also has a choke.
Before anyone asks why, no, I do not understand the logic
of that!


That's not a choke for mixture enrichment, I think you'll find that its function is to control pressure drop through the throttle body for optimum performance.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Glaikit Wee Scunner {P}
Do you know that your headlights are on?
(Parking lights were on in my Mini.)
I suppose you think that was clever?
(Whenever I annoyed older motorists.)
Still got a bit of go in her.
(My great uncle when his A40 Hereford hit 40mph)
--
I wasna fu but just had plenty.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Sofa Spud
>>>'Those cars are electric aren't they?' Commonly heard when we had a smart, it was even said to me while I was actually filling with petrol!<<<

Not quite as silly as it sounds since, if I remember rightly, when the Smart was first conceived, as the Swatch car, it was intended to be electric and the production Smart (and Mercedes A-Class) were designed with possible electric versions in mind.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - No FM2R
>>Not quite as silly as it sounds since

Surely just as silly as it sounds since its not electric, its never been electric, and if it was electric then he wouldn't have been standing at a petrol pump filling it up ?
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Round The Bend
"So your bought the car for its looks then?" To Ssangyong Rodius driver.
_______
IanS
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Round The Bend
"Underneath they're the same car really" Mr. Flatcap comparing his Mitsubishi Colt with an Evo VIII.
_______
IanS
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Chris S
"James Dean got killed in one of those" - to anyone with a Porsche Speedster replica.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Chris S
"Triumph Herald? Chassis rusts."

"Austin Allegro? The windows pop out."
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Chris S
"The head-gasket goes on those" - to anyone with a Rover.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Adam {P}
I actually say that to people!

(No flat cap as yet though)
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - mrmender
My dad used to run VW Vans in the early 60's mr flat cap....coments were.. "Foreign can't get the parts,"
Funny mr flat cap has not said that about my Rover!
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - local yokel
Looking at the new Civic - "No door handles on the rear doors then - they must have copied that Alfa-Beta whatsyoumacallit."
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - Chris S
"You can run that on chip-fat" - to anyone with a diesel.
Mr. Flatcap's helpful comments. - keo-the-dog
Reply ... I do...cheers...Keo.
 

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