Seen on another web board... it is of interest how much of it fits this site as well (esp. over the last few weeks) ~R
Words: Tom Holt
To be sung to "Modern Major General" by Gilbert & Sullivan
I am the very model of a Newsgroup personality.
I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and ghosted, too,
On all the countless newsgroups that my drivel is cross-posted to.
Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling,
And you're the one who pays the bill, downloading all my drivelling.
My enemies are numerous, and no-one would be blaming you,
For cracking my head open after I've been rudely flaming you.
I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it).
I wouldn't know a valid point if I was introduced to it.
My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia,
Designed to fan my ego, which is larger than Bolivia.
The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery,
Are really just an exercise in unremitting trollery.
I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity,
The gibberings of one who's at the limits of his sanity.
If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to;
If only Mom could find a circus freak-show she could sell me to;
If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery;
If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with machinery;
If I survive to twenty, which is somewhat problematical;
If what I post was more mature, or slightly more grammatical;
If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate;
Would I still be the loathsome and objectionable punk you hate?
But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face,
It simply isn't safe for normal people here in cyberspace.
To stick me in Old Sparky and turn on the electricity,
Would be a fitting punishment for my egocentricity.
I always have the last word; so, with uttermost finality,
That's all from me, the model of a Newsgroup personality.
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excellent - and really rather accurate.
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And Martyn, if he's awake AND sober, will just maybe correct the duplication for you.
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Its not my fault Martyn, its that line ! It stucks up and I tripped on it and fell the other side. I've scrambled back across now.
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Opps I hope so... I think the right mouse button has started 'bouncing' a bit of late... sorry all
~R
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Never mind the duplication Randolph, its worth reading twice. Thanks for sending it in.
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This is one battle too many for me to fight.
I concede, and leave what I thought was the field of honour for you to bare your "liberal" values on whilst pitting yourselves against those who would put everything from the viability of the economy, through the survival of liberty and justice, to the lives of children ahead of party politics, government revenue, and ideological dogma.
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Well, it looks like my work here is done.
You guys have got yourselves on the run.
Looks like we "environmentalists" have won.
Piers :-]
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bo-ring !
Do you guys have to always have something to fight about? I think I'll go elsewhere too.
NH
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About three more to go plus the mastermind behind them then we can all breathe a sigh of relief/shed a tear.
David
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Can we have your list DW and I'll see if it mirrors mine.
If it does, being the helpful and considerate kind of guy that I am, I'll see what I can do to "liberate" you.
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My list?
No, never offer hard evidence as it gives a position to argue against.
I'm fine with no need for liberation, try not to do the politics bit here any more.
Anyway didn't say if I would breathe... or shed...
David
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Hmmmmmmm
But you did say: try not to do the politics bit here any more.
Might I be so bold as to direct anyone with a problem with a loud noise making itself heard in the back of this generally motoring-based forum to the webmaster and moderator. I'm sure that they already have details of a very simple fix for this not very difficult technical problem.
They might even had advice on the cure for your worrying niggle in earlier posts, or even directly by email.
I hope that your vehicle will run more smoothly for you after that. Do keep us informed of the outcome.
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As for: No, never offer hard evidence as it gives a position to argue against.
Is that where certain characters have been going wrong? No wonder they upset certain other people and generate a backlash. It's always upsetting to have your cherished beliefs challenged. But to have them destroyed must be devastating.
Perhaps certain characters will reflect on this and leave others in peace to go on living quietly in their own private worlds.
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This has become so obtuse I can only advise anyone with your concerns to ensure the hydraulic fluid is topped up and all air bled from the system....it's all I know about.
;-) (really)
David
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It is amazing how some responded to this bit of humor... the phrase "if the shoe fits" springs to mind. Thanks for fixing the double post Martyn, and I am sorry that some wanted to set fire to this bit of oil I thought I was spreading on troubled waters.
BTW Tom Holt is an author of FSF... a bit like Pratchett do a search on his name at amazon and try one or two if you like this sort of thing you will not be disapointed.
~R
Nantucket Island, U.S.A.
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Randolph Lee wrote:
>
> It is amazing how some responded to this bit of humor... the
> phrase "if the shoe fits" springs to mind. Thanks for fixing
> the double post Martyn, and I am sorry that some wanted to
> set fire to this bit of oil I thought I was spreading on
> troubled waters.
You're most welcome, Randolph. The saving grace re the response is that it all originates from the same sorry mind, and by now we're learning to take precious little notice of its output. Once again, what a shame that such a good thinker could go so wrong.
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Well, I was about to volunteer to sign off as well, but as the moderator objects.......
As for "if the shoe fits": for a moment there I thought that the lyrics were aimed at me. The shape of the shoe does seem to exactly fit the imprints from the severe kickings I'm continuoulsy receiving.
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