What's the best tale you've ever heard from 'the man in the Pub' about cars & their performance?
You know the one - somebody claiming such & such a car will get to 60 in 6 secs say, when you know for a fact they're talking bull!
Or all the police cars on motorways have tuned V8s in them...
A guy once told me that a Citroen CX GTi would out accellerate an E Type Jag. He wasn't even talking about the turbo model!
Poor deluded souls...
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A relative of SWMBO used to work with some nutter who reckoned his Morris Marina 1.8 was capable of 118MPH!
"his little secret" apparently!
The same chap that took off his next door neigbours plaster by putting a socket in the wall!
Hugo
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it is broke, blame someone else!"
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A Marina capable of 118mph? Off the side of a cliff perhaps!
Or is that where they all should have gone off the production line?
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Hang on a mo - I had a mate with a Marina 1.8 as a company car and I remember him taking it to well over the ton on the M1 to show us (there were 4 of us in the car) what a brilliant car it was. As a result another mate bought one of those "flash"(!) Marinas - was it an MG version, or a GT with twin carbs or something? that I also remember went like a bat out of hell - in a straight line anyway, I seem to remember that it didn't go round corners very well and was rather frightening to drive, which probably accounts for the fact that his next car was a very basic Viva. This was all about 1972ish so memories are slightly hazy!!
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My first car was a Morris Ital 1.7, this was the luxury and sporty later version of the Marina. While it wouldn't cruise happily at 118mph, it could reach it. It developed a crankshaft oil leak and clattery sound after that journey though, so I sold it. What terrible suspension/steering those cars had.
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Morris Marina 1.8 TC had the MGB engine in it. It was quick in a
straight line. Not so good on anything other than a straight dry road. A 1986 test on the MGB had it flagged as having a top of 108 mph so it is almost credible.
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Morris Marina 1.8 Coupe
Vrm: YHN666M (Devils number)
Colour: Ghastly yellow
Owner: me
Regularly had the needle hovering around 105mph.
DVD
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Many years ago colleague of mine bought a 50's 6-cyl LHD Chevy in Belgium. He boasted once he regularly got 150 mph out of it till it was pointed outthat the speedo was in km/hr........
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Km/h? Damn - so you mean my fiesta DOESN'T do 220 mph then?
I look the fool now ;-)
--
"Ah...beer - my only weakness - my achilles heel if you will"
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Certain gentlemen of the baseball cap backwards genre, boasting about how fast their cars would go, after a few brandy-and-cokes, decided to "prove it" by winding up their cars, and driving through a known speed-camera zone.
The 'loser' would pay the subsequent fines. (No points here, thank god!)
On the way back from this little jaunt, they came to a roadblock, where both were breathalysed and found to be over the limit. While being held, awaiting a paddy-wagon to take them back to the nick, reports came through of 'two hooligans driving at excessive speed at location X".
Plod asks, "have you just been in the vicinity of...?", and one Mr Boozehead says "Yes!"
Both Banged up in the cells for the weekend*, appear in court on a list of charges as long as your arm on Monday - with lovely pics to back it all up!!
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*You do NOT want to be put into a local holding cell!
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Whilst having a pub lunch one day couldn't help overhearing the converation of the table behind me. Womans voice "That is a lovely car you have, it seems to be very fast. What speed can it actually do". Reply, mans voice "About 160"
The man later left to bring the car round to the front to collect the lady. I had my nose pressed to the glass to see which model Ferrari he drove, when, round the corner he came and stepped out of !!! a Renault Laguna.
What a line.
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I remember a few years back, my dads friend in the pub desperately trying to convince my dad that his car would outrun my dads no problem.
Dads Car: 1994 Rover Montego Estate 2.0i Petrol
Friends Car: 1992 Lada Riva 1.5 Carb
I know for a fact which one I believe would win!
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In that field of two, it would be the first to actually start. So it could be your dads Lada after all:)
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Having been brought up in a metric enviroment (BF West Germany), and had contact with, metric countries how come that when top speeds are quoted that good old MPH sounds an awful lot more impressive than the larger Km/PH equivelent.
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hehe - the same as a 'six footer' is a big chap, while a 1.83m man isn't as big!
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We all exaggerate to one degree or another. However, I always like it when you have a mate exaggerating as part of a conversation and you actually challenge him.
The colour drains from the face, busily trying to remember what the "boast" was, trying to think if it was credible enough to try and justify or whether to just laugh it off and change the subject!!
The best was one of my colleagues who claimed he regularly travelled along the Edinburgh bypass at 140mph in his Volvo 440 1.6 hatch!!
The more everyone laughed and gave it yeah yeah, the more he tried to justify it and claim it was true!
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My Discovery passed it's MOT first time...
No, seriously it did!
Or does this one qualify?
Hugo
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it is broke, blame someone else!"
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"130 MPH in a diesel estate car loaded with ski gear on the Autoroute from Reims to Calais"
Oh, hang on a minute, that was me on Saturday evening.
ND
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oh in a 330d touring then...
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[splutter!]
A WHAT?
Good grief man, I thought you knew me better than that. Chipped 156 Sportwagon 2.4 - Odd that, as it\'s actually a 2.5, but that particular badge got stuck on the petrol V6.
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N.D.
130 Speed limit on French motorways is in KPH not MPH!!!
You naughty boy!
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N.D. 130 Speed limit on French motorways is in KPH not MPH!!! You naughty boy!
They would have to catch me first..... which would mean getting past the 530d behind me and the 328i in front of me.
I did appreciate the irony of the kph/mph "confusion" at the time, but doubt les flics would have seen it that way.
:o)
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That particular stretch of road from Reims to Paris just HAS to be driven at that speed!!
I remember driving from the very south (Languedoc) and realised that I had travelled 310 miles in one 3 hour stretch!
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My old Yugo Zastava took an eternity to get to it's top speed 65mph. No, honestly, it really was that slow! The way it drank petrol you'd swear it was a V8....
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I think even the TC version of the Marina (on everyone else's car it stands for "twin cam" but on the Marina it stands for "twin carb") would be struggling to get to a real 95mph? That's still about 50mph too fast for its handling but over 100mph?!! I can only guess that the speedos were made as well as the rest of the car.
Gareth
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I visited a friend in California in 1996. We went out for a meal with some of her friends and there was the usual guy who was trying to impress the mostly female audience. He was talking about his pick up truck tye vehicle (i cant remember what make or model). I burst out laughing when he said he had drive it at over... wait for it... 200mph! The girls were all lapping it up but i nearly died of laughter.
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How about a 9 month old Renault Laguna thats done 12000 miles, has no rattles, has not broken down, has no electrical gremlins, and everything still works as advertised ?
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In reply to RenF, Ditto, but 17mnths & 18k...
Cue lots of laughter.......
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I visited a friend in California in 1996. We went out for a meal with some of her friends and there was the usual guy who was trying to impress the mostly female audience. He was talking about his pick up truck tye vehicle (i cant remember what make or model). I burst out laughing when he said he had drive it at over... wait for it... 200mph! The girls were all lapping it up but i nearly died of laughter.
Hmm... The Dodge Ram has an 8 litre V10 in it (or is it a 10 litre V8?), but even that can't reach such speeds. Me thinks you were right to chuckle.
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>>but even that can't reach such speeds.
200mph ? My Ram will only just about struggle over 100mph despite its engine, and even at that its pretty damn worrying.
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>>but even that can't reach such speeds. 200mph ? My Ram will only just about struggle over 100mph despite its engine, and even at that its pretty damn worrying.
Really? I'd heard that with a long enough straight (and a death-wish probably) it could attain top-speeds not that much lower than the Viper it shares an engine with. Obviously I was badly informed.
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I remember a fellow student who was ranting on about how his crypton tuned 1984 Mk 4 Escort 1.1L with a 4 speed gearbox and a cheap revcounter stuck on the dash would outrun an XR3i.
No one ever really believed anything he said after that!
Hugo
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If it is broke, blame someone else!"
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In the early 90's my friend had a Mk2 Fiesta 950cc - skins and rice puddings could sleep soundly in those days. Four of us were out one night and he was trying to catch up with a car in front. Suddenly he shouted to us "Watch this", we waited with anticipation for the secret weapon - Nitro boost perhaps, or hidden Turbo switch? No, he yanked out the choke knob at 50mph. It's little orange light glowed in anger as we experienced rapid retardation as if an anchor had been thrown out of the window whilst the engine gasped in horror.
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i love these stories! my friend had a brand new bmw 316, debadged, but decided to stick an M3 bodykit on it and was adamant that it was an M3. even tho the car is now sold and he potters around in an old golf he still insists that it was a supercar!
one time we were racing a ford mondeo and i questioned why we wern't overtaking it, the car was going flat out. he came out with some rubbish that it had to be de-tuned for insurance reasons!
amusing
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Two from the same person:
E36 318iS was capable of doing in excess of 145mph
Vectra 1.8 could also do 145mph with 4 up plus luggage.
Could possibly believe the Vectra story as it was a hire car!
Also met someone who said that his Dodge Viper had been boosted to 1000bhp and he drove it at 200mph on the M3. Not sure about this one but the flames it shot out the side were impressive.
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another one he said in the pub after a few pints..
i hadnt seen him for a while and my mate was talking to him about fast motorbikes - honda fireblade etc.
mr M3 man, mark, came out with a classic... "see that blue M3 in the car park, i had a 5.6 chevy engine put in it, insurance is £4000 tho"
at this point me and co drinkers were laughing hysterically tho he woulnt let go of the story.
looking back we should have got him to pop the bonnet open and all have a look at his super powerful 1.6 hairdryer engine!
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Beware if any of you meet the owner of a white MGB convertible, claiming to possess a BMW 320 engine. It's actually true. I saw the car being worked on at an auto-electricians in Bournemouth a couple of years back. The guy in the workshop was scratching his head and muttering profanities every 5 minutes.
Not sure why anyone would want to put a 320 lump in a cack car, but there you go. The chap in the workshop had the same view as me on that one!
I offered, tongue in cheek, to let him have the engine from my "british" rover 416 (Honda lump) for authenticity, but he retorted that BMW owned Rover by that time so it was authentic.......
Some people have more money than taste.
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My Ram will only just about struggle over 100mph despite its engine
Isn't that because by the time its reached 101 it needs refuelling? ;-)
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I remember being told by someone at the Motor Show a few years back that the Peugeot 106 Quiksilver was a limited-edition version of the 106 GTi. When I pointed out that the GTi was a 120 bhp 1.6 and the Quiksilver was a 75 bhp 1.4, he got rather irate!
Also remember being told by some random bloke hanging round the Honda bike dealer once that my Vision 50cc moped would do 75 mph with the restrictor taken off. Whatever you say, old chap...
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