When we went to bury my Mother, this time last year, we made the point that things have changed in our 40 year lifetimes. When I were a lad, when a cortege passed down the road, my parents would make us stop while it passed. If we were in a car we would NEVER overtake, and my Dad would slow down if he went past one going in the opposite direction.
When we went to the funeral last year, our cortege was split into bits by cars pulling out of side roads into the middle of it, and at one roundabout we ended up strung over about half a mile.
Since then, while I haven't regressed the thirty years to my childhood, I do try to make sure I don't break up the cortege, even if it means stopping for a moment longer than otherwise. A couple of moments delay to show a little respect doesn't seem a bad investment.
I'm not asking anyone else to do the same as me, that's just my way of dealing with it.
V
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I was taught the same. To doff my school uniform cap and stand still till the cortege had passed by. I would cringe at the discourtesy and disregard for the feelings of the cortege members at such a time if I saw anyone splitting it. I live not far from the Manila Memorial Park which is a vast cemetery, and often encounter procession of sometimes 100 cars of mourners, especially if it's a Chinese funeral, on the expressway moving at snail's pace with all their hazards. Despite their completely undisciplined road behaviour on other occasions, this is a deeply religious country with great regard for the dead so that everything, even the lethal bus drivers, slows down respectfully and tends not to overtake. If it does at all it is at much reduced speed.
Again and again I am struck when I visit UK that people simply no longer have the common basic manners that were taught me and my peers and occasionally knocked into us as well if we forgot them.
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Happened to follow one for about 3 miles the other day and did not overtake. However, I was amazed at the number of idiots zooming past. Even when the vehicle eventually stopped outside the house I gingerly overtook and did not speed up until a good few hundred yards down the road.
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But surely this cuts both ways? If you want to be respected by others you have to respect those others in return.
I have come across funeral processions and recently a Wedding Procession lead by a horse and carriage, plodding their way down single carriageway "A" roads with no consideration whatsover for the long tailback of traffic built up behind them - even driving past places where they could easily (and respectfully) have pulled in and let it past without further inconvenience or delay.
Other people do have places to get to as well.
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On a dual carriageway or motorway, I would do the same - pass very sedately, maybe 35 or 40 at the most, and be well ahead before picking up speed again. On a single carriageway, or where there are mourners following a hearse on foot, I wouldn't dream of overtaking - on a couple of occasions in the past year or so I have doubled the duration of my commute home for the sake of the last mile, simply because there was a walking procession and I had to show my respects. However, I get the impression that funeral etiquette is a bit different over here (NI) than across the water.
andymc
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I feel very annoyed by FF's comment.
Sure, we all have lives to live, but, FF, if the funeral procession was for one of your loved ones would you appreciate other vehicles showing no respect, simply because it was your problem, or your loved one, in that hearse?
Isn't it completely insulting to all people who have lost a loved one, to even suggest that another person's daily business (or whatever) life should take precedent?
I am in complete agreement with all those here who have advocateed respect. Growler springs to mind, but I know there are many more.
No business is so pressing, surely, that it can undermine and overrule the basic human decencies of respect and consideration?
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Got to agree with HF - when you're in a funeral cortege the last thing you're thinking about are other drivers who you'd just like to think sympathise with the awful position you're in. When my wife was being taken to the crematorium I remember the that one of the funeral director's staff walked slowly in front of the cortege for about 50 yards as we left our house. No doubt there were some people who were annoyed by this but a) I didn't know it was going to happen and b) I was in such a state of distress that I wasn't really thinking about anything else. According to FF I should have instructed the driver to pull over and let any build up of traffic pass before proceeding on to the place where I would say my last farewell but had I done that we'd never have got there would we. I never overtake or split up funeral processions and I think doing so is a very sad sign of the times.
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I think it depends on the part of the country you are in. I come from a big big east end of London family. When the Patriarch Grandfather expired four or five years ago, it was a big funeral. The cortege was 10 funeral cars, and about 40 family cars. As it wound its way from East Ham to the City of London cemetary huge respect was shown to the procession, red lights were ignored, cars allowed the entire thing to proceed. It has to be said that that part of East London is now almost entirely populated by Asian families, and they probably have greater respect for the dead than modern anglo saxons.
As befits a big east end family there was a huge drunken party afterwards at which fighting broke out, and several new progeny for the family line conceived.
Much depends on the way the funeral directors approach the thing I feel. When we put my father away, the Director walked in front of the procession for about 400 yards. We then drove at NSL for 8 miles to the crem, where he then walked the final 400 yards and into the gates. That way respect is shown, with minimal disruption to those who still have a life to get on with.
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I buried my younger brother in Norfolk last January and that was much the way the procession was handled. I doubt whether many people were inconvenienced; if they were it was for moments only, and if they felt put out by the experience then too damn bad, their turn is coming for sure.
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In the east european country where my wife was born and brought up it is a tradition that if a cortege crosses your path you must join it and go to the funeral. I am afraid this has resulted in our attending many funerals of people we did not know - some of which, I am sure, were for family only. After 30 years of marriage I am still unable to wean her from this tradition!
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I agree entirely with showing respect, and was educated to do so, but to my personal horror, broke this rule big time a number of years back.
Picture the scene: I gently came up behind a queue of cars, all driving at a gentle 40 MPH or so on a NSL road in open country, at the foot of a long climb. Being at the foot of the climb, I could see that the road in front of the lead car was clear for the mile or so of the climb, and nothing was coming the other way. Yes, the lead car was a black estate, with chrome roof rails, but so was one of my colleague's cars...
Rather than blat past and risk someone in front pulling out, I patiently waited until about half the clear distance had gone, before deciding, okay, no-one else is going, the road is still clear in front, no body has come up behind me, so let's go. Down to second (let's have some nice positive 'G'). Full welly, Then third. Continued full welly. In to fourth on the wrong side of eighty... Oh no, the lead car's a h e a r s e...
Brother couldn't help a snigger as I coasted past with the clutch pedal down and engine at tickover, and still reminds me of it today if he's with me and I overtake several cars in one go.
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Thanks all, it confirms what I first thought, quite a thoughtful caring bunch hereabouts.
I think in the circumstances we probably did OK as the cortege was obviously going to be on that road for some time so to pass and show some respect by doing so slowly was probably about right. Had it been single carriageway wouldn't have dreamt of passing, or cutting into the cortege, I would hope someone will show me the same respect when my turn comes, as it must to all of us at some point.
As some have mentioned, respect is a powerfully enduring thing and can help at some of the saddest times. As some of you will know, from my previous postings, my father was a fireman,('fireman, not a ****** firefighter'), for 28 years and when he passed away over 20 years after leaving the service our local station insisted on their pump heading the cortege all 7 miles to the local crem with blue flashing lights the whole way. Nearby to the crem is our main station and a busy roundabout, they'd organised the police to halt the traffic on the roundabout so the cortege wasn't split up and all the current serving firefighters were stood to attention with their appliances and the flag at half mast as we passed by. It just helped to give a positive to one of the saddest and most stressful days of my life.
It also gave some humour too, several weeks later one of the old firemen who had attended said that all my father's old cronies had had a chuckle as they'd never seen an machine with blues flashing travel so slowly in his prescence, if my father had been driving we would have got there in about six minutes!
Cockle
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