Well, I'd like to nominate myself, at least in an honorary sense in that I am still alive. For those who don't know, the Darwin Awards are dedicated to those people whose cretinous behaviour results in their untimely demise, thereby doing the whole human race a favour by removing themselves from the gene pool.
My near-contribution to a marginal increase in the planet's IQ was the result of trying to help my brother-in-law with a dodgy connection on his rear light cluster. He thought that maybe the problem was simply that the contacts to the bulb were a bit flattened, but he didn't have a screwdriver with a narrow enough blade to try and lever them up slightly in order to get a better connection. Fortunately, Mr Helpful (that's me) was on hand with a small key which was just the right size, and also utterly devoid of any insulating properties whatsoever. But did I let that stop me? Did I heck!! Cue sparks, a poorly choreographed yet briefly spectactular dance, and a string of asterisks. This provides (in my case at least) incontrovertible proof that any idiot really can get a degree.
Right, enough about me - anybody else want to nominate themselves? Only condition is that it must be motoring-related. The more unusual, the better. Don't be shy!
Gotta go now, the sparks bristling out from the keyboard are playing havoc with my hair.
andymc
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I'd like to nominate all those who have come within 12 feet of my feet, after I have been driving a while.
None of them have yet met the untimely demise that andy speaks of, though lord knows why.
HF
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I am near perfect, but my pal, many years ago, was working on a mini engine whilst wearing a pair of jeans with an exposed metal zip fly.
Naturally, he contrived to touch the battery +ve with one end and earth with the other, resulting in a neatly welded zip and severe laceration to the back of his skull as he attempted to escape through the bonnet.
His little sister learnt a lot of new words that day.
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This very week I received by mail order a lovely chrome plated battery cover for my car (bling bling), sad I know, but its part of the modifying malarky I am undertaking. I have already fitted some wider "cosmetic" battery clamps, but I thought I would just test fit or "dry run" the cover plate.
Alas it was slightly too wide to fit between the terminals. A point made apparent to me by the loud crack and shower of sparks.
My chromed battery plate now has two large arc-weld marks across it.
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Not myself, but someone wanting to ensure he was permanently erased from the evolutionary record. (this was on the front page of the local free sheet when I got back from holiday a few weeks ago, and it made me want to go away again)
Wigan man loses testicles in industrial accident
basically the gentleman in question, who was single and in his early twenties, had taken a casual job with a company laying a large flat roof in Blackpool, and had stood astride a piece of machinery that laid roofing felt. his loose fitting jogging pants became ensnared, taking his underpants, and their contents, with them.
and on that note, I retire to a nights peaceful sleep
I have to grow old - but I don't have to grow up
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Even as a female, Bora, that's a 'cross legs very hard and yell ouch' thing.
Hope you have a peaceful night.
HF
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Charles - you'll remember this!
A fellow CSE Motor Mechanics Pupil witnessed by Charles and I decided to help our excellent Motor Mechanics teacher cut up an old Triumph Herald for scrap.
One of the other pupils expressed an interest in the propshaft and diff etc for his dad's motor, so pupil with oxyocetalene cutter said "OK I'll just cut through here then"......
BANG - went the gearbox oil as it explodid in his face! Yes, he decided that the torch was the ideal tool to "undo" the universal joint between the gearbox and the shaft. The only problem is that he missed the UJ and cut the back of the gearbox instead! He was not injured but ALL his budding facial hair and the front of his head of hair was seriously singed! His eyebrows escaped courtesy of the obtigatory goggles.
That is one way to "drain" that last bit of gearbox oil, should anyone have any doubts as to whether you've got it all out. We never did work out how to repair the gearbox housing though!
Charles - you may remember this as well.
I was welding up an old MINI estate B reg suffix! using a gas welder and rods. No problem. I suggested to the teacher that we should remove the trim on the inside in case it caught fire. Despite his experience he felt this was unnecessary.
Two fire extinguishers later...
No real damage done. I just had to explain to the teacher in charge of fire extinguishers why I had emtied two of them. The car was most likely never really going to hit the road again. it was just a bit of fun for us.
H
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Oh Happy days - I remember those incidents well.
Do you remember the school trip to the Royal Engineers place near Southampton with said teacher?
They let us loose on that cutting gear that would go through a RSJ in about 10 seconds and that riveting gun that seemed to be powered by full size catridges. To think we were only 15 at the time!!
Health & Safety wasn't a major issue at our school was it!!
Charles
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Two fire extinguishers later... No real damage done. I just had to explain to the teacher in charge of fire extinguishers why I had emtied two of them.
When I was in the mob, we made great usage of CO2 extinguishers to cool tinned beer. One of the large beasts in an armoured car could get 2 cases down to ice-cold from 40 degrees in a matter of seconds!
However, the problem was explaining WHY it was neccesary to set the things off in the first place, so we had a string of 'minor' electrical shorts in engine bays, behind bulkheads etc!
In fact, one of the 8-wheelers had to go for an extensive refit, such was the poor state of its wiring, and the continued faults we had with it!!! :)
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One chap that is a worthy candidate for sponsership and encouragement to actively pursue the Darwin Award worked for a short time as a Parts Manager in a Leicestershire dealership.
Among his classics was the act of folding a gasket up so that the customer could put it in his pocket!
He was in the job about 2 months, the boss was extremely - optimistic - regarding his abilities.
H
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I would nominate a work mate of a friend who hated his works LDV
van so much he decided to see what effect a 5th to first gearchange would have at 50 mph.
The van skidded to a halt after a very large bang and spewed oil all over the road.
The mechanic who repaired the van commented that he had never seen valve bounce on a diesel before.
The guy was very lucky to to keep his job and the ultimate insult was they rebuilt the engine and gearbox and made him drive it for another couple of years.
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