Good grief!

I see he was at Autocar. Do journalists never consider the type of driving that may influence the reliability of a diesel?

No.

'a lot of miles' is also a very vague statement!

I do around 14k miles a year and I'm sticking to petrol - with a diesel I could probably save around £4-500 a year on fuel, but can't be bothered with the potential grief of diesels in my price range.

Personally my cutoff where a diesel becomes 'essential' is 20k miles or more a year - even then I would be more inclined towards a hybrid, and they never got a mention in tha article.

Janet and John look for a new car.

Today, Janet and John are going to look at new cars. Do you like cars? John does. Hear the "brum brum" noises. See Janet look to the sky.

John says, "I like diesel cars, because they go a lot further per gallon, even though they and diesel are more expensive than petrol."

Janet says, "I like a car to have a hook for my shopping bag. But anyway, John, you don't need diesel because you only drive your car up and down the garden path, and the cost difference between diesel and petrol would take an awfully long time to recoup."

See John stamp his feet on the ground. See Janet huff and puff.

Watch out for the handbag, John.

Janet says, "It is also important to have a car with tough upholstery on the seats, in case you have a little accident." See John blush.

See Janet walking to a car showroom with a "mean face" and a copy of Which?.

See the salesmen disappear.

Bye bye everybody. Bye bye.

(To be continued - or not)

Thanks Gordon.

Indeed - I rarely trouble Radio 2 nowadays - and I am still quite young, apparantly.

I should have acknowledged Mr Sturbs and Sir Terry, both of whom are acquaintances, as I was (am) one of the"regular" TOGS.

Hey ho.

Anyway, going off message.

Janet says, "Gosh, look how expensive these lovely new cars are. I'm sure our Honda (other similar market makes are available) wasn't as expensive as this. And why oh why oh why aren't there any helpful programmes on television now giving proper advice about cars? I remember when Angela Rippon pointed out the design and style of door handles."

See the Service Department receptionist look worried. See her reach for a panic button.

It's no good, John. You will have to go and get a job if we are going to be able to afford the extended warranty."

See John throw a tantrum by the coffee machine. See the plastic cups fall out of their holders. Try not to stare at the embarrassing stains.

Janet picks up the free weekly newspaper that has been helpfully left on the counter for the last six weeks. See Janet flick through the pages. See John go pale.

"John, here is a job you could apply for. You could give advice to people about cars. You know all about them don't you?"

Mr Warm