I am very embarrassed about sharing this but Miss Philippines has dared me (she's still laughing, the little minx). Since it is the holiday season, emboldened by a glass of Oxford Landing's best, here goes.
I have a 6 week old Ford Lynx, a very neat little car locally assembled in the Philippines and exported across Asia-Pacific, based on a Mazda derived engine. My partner, the lissom Growlette, also has one, bought last year. Both cars are Honda Civic value but at local prices and Ford service here is excellent.
Mine went in for its 1000km checkup. Can you look at the passenger front door? Got a rattle in there. Yes sir. Please take advantage of our coffee machine and surround sound theater in our showroom and we should have your car ready in about 40 minutes. So far so pleasant.
Car is returned. What was the problem? Oh nothing sir, we simply checked some of the fasteners inside the door trim. Sir we will text you when your 3 month service is due, my name is Jo-Anne I am your designated service advisor this is my cellphone number and please contact me if I can be of any help.
The next day car is emitting a terrible rattle. Every speed bump, every inadequately repaired pot-hole, even on idle at the lights, there is this infuriating noise, far worse than the original. It resembles some sort of small animal flailing about in an attempt to get out from somewhere.
Jo-Anne I owe you flowers and dinner for what follows, or I would if I thought I could get away with it. The lambasting I gave you over the phone and the references to your employer's quality control are simply the ravings of a latent erstwhile colonial master long gone "troppo" coming out in me. As ever, my karma will do the job of equilibrium adjusting for both of us, as we shall see.
Next day. J-A sweetly greets me and says she regrets I am dissatisfied with my purchase and Ford's service and she is here to see if this can be put right. Well, OK, it's straight out of the Ford Customer Service Training Manual but when it's delivered by a 20 something year old 5 foot tall in her socks 95 pound Oriental beauty with perfect teeth, great legs and hair straight out of a shampoo commercial, what's a feller to do?
She says would I mind if I drove her round the block so she can identify the rattle I'm talking about. Well of course not. So I do and the rattle is there. Jo-Anne politely asks me to stop for a moment. I do. She says do I mind if she opens the center console storage box. Well I suppose so but the rattle isn't coming from there. It's you people who made it worse.
Sir, may I? She wants to remove 3 cassette tapes and a bottle of cologne. Yes I suppose so. Sir (sweetly), may we just try the car again to see if the rattle is still there? We may and we do and it isn't........
One Brit pub in Manila has been offering a special "Australian Menu". On it is a dish called Humble Pie (no one who has been anything other than clinically dead these last weeks should need to ask about the significance of this). Well, it's better than eating crow, as the Septics would have it.......
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Great communicators are hard to find - for more years than I care to remember, I have enjoyed Alastair Cook's Letter from America on radio. Reckon a wider audience than here would also dine on a regular helping of Growler broadcasting from the Philippines. Wonderful stuff.
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As usual an excellent report from you Growler.
Most of us would probably be too embarrased to admit to that sort of thing.
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Thanks for sharing Growler, that's made me smile - and I'm in work!
PP
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Cool, Made I Laugh Ho Ho Ho. Regards Peter
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