Cliff,
It's a very difficult situation, and I doubt whether people of this age would cope very well with a change of car with all the controls in slightly different positions. I was in a similar position with my dad (81 like your mum) when he was faced with a £400 bill on his old Pug 309. We had a very sensible chat about it (aided by good advice from this forum) and he decided that he would pay the bill even though he was considering giving up driving (he's actually still very good - I have no worries as his passenger). But, we decided that if it came to spending a few thousand quid on a new car (plus insurance, tax, maintenance etc) it would be far easier for him to use taxis - you can get a hell of a lot of taxis for the price of a car. He doesn't use his car for long journeys - the train is far less stressful so just uses it for Tescos, church on Sunday and going out in the evening (he has quite a good social life and reckoned taxis are better because he can have his beer, wine, single malt etc and he also wouldn't have others cadging lifts!)
I would suggest a gentle chat extolling the virtues of taxis! But take it easy - oldies, as you no doubt know! are very resistant to change and the suggestion that they are no longer "competent" Go on about the advantages of taxis rather than the disadvantages of her driving!
good luck - let us know how you get on!
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Many thanks indeed to you all. There are some really useful ideas here to ponder on. Perhaps I had been too quick to discount the value of simple talk and communication.
The automatic option on the face of it sounds simple, but she has never been the fastest on the uptake with any unfamiliar car or machine. Anyway I feel the problem is really one of a slowing-up mind, rather than just a specific physical one like a joint.
I think the taxi option looks best, now we need to work on it gradually so that it seems as her idea to face realities, rather than the family trying to interfere.
I did not really contemplate 'shopping' her, not yet anyway, but these things do lead on to much more serious events as one correspondent recorded.
Frightening to think we'll all be there one day!
Thanks again.
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I'm very interested to see this thread on HJ's BR because this is exactly what my family went through last year regarding my Father, who is very shortly to be 87.
My Brother said that he should be made to give up driving, even if this meant reporting him to the authorities, because he was now a terrible driver! My opinion was that it was totally wrong to report him to anyone, and, in any case, his driving record didn't bear out what my brother was saying.
It is a fact that, when he shopped around for a different insurance company a few years ago, none of them wanted to know. However, I believe this was simply due to his age, and not because of any blotts on his driving receord. I had never considered that trying to obtain motor insurance when you are very old was just as difficult as trying to obtain it when you are very young, but it would appear to be the case.
In championing by Fathers cause, I further stated that to attempt to stop him driving would take away a large part of his independence. It's also an interest for him, owning a car, as he can go out and clean it and do a few minor things, but not very much these days. At the time he was giving my youngest Niece a lift to the station everyday, which also bothered my Brother. He has never driven very far, in recent years, and only goes to places that he knows. He certainly isn't about to jump into his car and drive a couple of hundred miles up a motorway!
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I'm pleased to say that he is still driving, but less-so that he was. My Niece has told him that she is now getting a lift to the station from her friend who has a car and works uptown as she does herself. The only driving my Father now does is to go about three miles shopping once a week and to go for a walk on Sunday, which is about a similar distance. Oh, and he visits me on Sunday afternoon most weekends, but that's only about 0.75 miles.
It could be said that he shouldn't be driving at all, which I except could be a well reasoned arguement. However, he says that he still wants to drive, and I myself feel we have to be very careful trying to stop someone doing something "because it might be dangerous!" I think we have more than enough of this culture these days already.
I have previously pointed out to him that, for the small annual mileage that he now drives, it would be considerably cheaper for him to travel everywhere by taxi, and this still does remain an option for future consideration should his situation significantly change.
I share the concerns and thoughts of all others who have contributed to this interesting thread. As you rightly say, Cliff, we'll all be there one day!
Galaxy
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Even if you do not share a GP with your mother you are still entitled to arrange an appointment to see that GP and express your concerns. The GP could then arrange for you to bring your mother along to professionally assess her fitness to drive. If the GP thought she was unfit he would have a duty to tell her and to notify the DVLA. Most GP's would handle this gently and diplomatically.
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Compulsory retests at 65, and every five years thereafter.
Job done.
Doesn't have to be a full "normal" driving test, just a basic analysis of core competencies, reaction times, dealing with the unexpected etc etc.
If the old person fails the test, their licence is revoked until such time as they can pass the test.
It's all very well saying it's a terrible thing to take away an old person's independence, but it's even more terrible when their doddery old eyes and limbs fail them and they plough into the back of a child on a pushbike, crippling him for life.
The explanation? "Didn't see him until it was too late and missed the brake pedal" - turned out the old dear could hardly see straight, and had reaction times that'd shame a snail.
"Oohh but I've been driving for fifty years and I've never had an accident....."
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Extending the line of argument - why not compulsory re-tests from 17 as a condition of insurance - the airline industry insists on regular check rides to test competency in flying.
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Probably because most people would fail (I would since I often cross my hands when turning the steering wheel) leading to no-one being able to get to work (apart from those who drive without insurance) I doubt many people who've been driving a few years would pass the test, we've all developed a couple of 'bad' habits.
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Just musing but isn't it sad that that the young and fit can drive where ever they want (and are often the ones to park as near to the supermarket front door as possible) when they could walk or cycle, then just as your mobility starts to fail and the car is really needed other faculties fail (intellect, eyesight, hearing) and bang goes your licence.
Same argument as how when you are young you could find plenty to spend money on if you had it, the elderly often have the money but can't find things to spend it on.
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Comparing Cliff's mum to a drink driver is assinine - she's 'probably not dangerous' remember.
People's abilities are wonderfully various at all ages and I'm not comfortable when people start judging others by numbers, colours or badge.
It might be quite easy really. A few open questions about her driving should be easy to ask. Please don't go down the 'does she take one lump or two' avenue. It leads to queer street.
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The sentimentality of 'you can't shop your Mother' amazes me. Would the same people also not shop mum if she was a drunk driver?
How is Cliff going to feel if his poor Mother kills someone with her car? What if mum is the one who is injured in a crash? If talking to her and the other eminently sensible suggestions don't work, what's left? Take no further action and hope no-one gets hurt?
Cliff, I agree that an automatic at this stage of life would be even more dangerous for your Mother. You are on the right track. My best wishes that it works out well for you both.
CAZO'T - absolutely right mate. Retests are the obvious solution. There are an awful lot of people way under 65 that should be retested as well! Maybe everyone should be retested, say, 5 years after passing the initial test?
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I'm surprised that no-one has directly quoted Honest John's advice to elderly people contemplating getting an automatic: '...I recommend elderly drivers to to think very carefully before making a switch from a lifetime of manuals to an automatic. Often it's too late to safely make the change.' Admittedly a couple of the responses have expressed similar sentiments.
See www.honestjohn.co.uk/faq/faq.htm?id=15 for the full explanation.
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My dad voluntarily gave up his license at 80, because he felt that he may no longer be up to scratch on the road.
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