topic,
`Best car related one liner, trade to customer, customer to trade`
( what have you heard over the decades)
Theme,
Easy going, ;)
Me? looking in on a used car lot 10yrs or so ago.
"Can I see under the bonnet" (bonnet is opened) I lean forward peering at the coolant tank which is empty of fluid, but tide marked with an oily scum.
Bomb site owner, (also staring at the header tank)
" What can`t spee-ack can`t tell no lies" ( Broad Yorkshire accent)
and I`m invited to take the car out for a test drive.
Decline gracefully, but there are others peering around and the bonnet is swiftly closed.
Regards
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Arthur Daley in Minder, of (I think) a Lada... "Art of the state, this one..."
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'Trust me'. Regards Peter
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Man to AA recovery driver
"Are these reliable"?
AA man
"every time I see one its broke"
------
< Ulla>
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When buying a car.....this is the most sought after model they made.
When trading in same car....this is the model that nobody wants.
When selling to public, frequently told...i can get a lower mileage top of the range one of these for ?£ less than youre asking.
Georgeous' reply (as she deals swiftly with these types) go and buy it and get me a couple while you're there.
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DODGY trader guy when I went to look at a Merc SLK 320 & mentioned to him I was also looking at Boxsters. He considered the cars so different that he decided I was a time waster. I wasn't, & bought a Boxster the same week
"You seem undecided on what you want... shall I put it back in the garage, young man?"
If he'd taken me up the road in it & shown me it's power & let me hear the V6 I would have probably bought it there and then too. Never again.
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Where's Bell Boy tonight?
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He already berated me about that particular episode and said the guy was bang on the money for telling me to get lost (young man).
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2 months ago recovery guy gets out of his wagon, takes one look at my stranded e30 325i and says in a broad accent:
'So, apart of course from the badge, what else is wrong with it!'
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When SWMBO was looking for her first car (circa 1988)
Salesman
These are the cars all the youngsters are buying now, they are going to be the future and it is exactly the car you want.
SWMBO
But I have never heard of Yugo?
--
2007 Seat Altea XL 2.0 TDI (140) Stylance
2005 Skoda Fabia vrS
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Can't remember exact quote, but Lancia issued a press statement in response to complaints about build quality of the Delta model back in the 80s. It wasn't, we were told, that Lancias were bady made, but
"Other manufacturers over-engineer their cars".
Had a good look on Google for the original quote, but no luck so far. I seem to remember Esther Rantzen brought it up on an episode of That's Life.
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A story of remarkable eyesight.
When looking for a Scorpio around 20 years ago: Approaching salesman greeted me when he got to about 20 feet away with "Ah! A Rolex!"
Never bought one from him. All his cars seemed to be a bit expensive...
Mike
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My favaorite and how many have heard this?.... Oh they all do that sir!
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About 10 years ago, at a Peugeot dealer looking for a first car (second hand 206) for sister and avoiding all eye contact with vultures and the smug saleman came over and says he can probably get her into a new car for less. I guess you had to be there, but we couldn't get away quick enough.
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Me - If you give me 6months tax as well, I'll take it.
Him - Can't do that.
Me - Why not?
Him - I have a special deal with the dvla..............if they don't do cars I won't do tax.
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Me to wife, 30 seconds before reversing into neighbour's wheelie bin and knocking it over
"Hope there's nothing behind me, I can't be bothered looking"
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"Safety is not a concern in this segment and sales have proven this."
Holden of Australia made this robust defence of the fifth-generation small car, the Barina TK (aka Daewoo Kalos) which replaced the fourth generation Barina (aka Vauxhall Corsa). The New Barina had an abysmal crash test rating, two points lower than the previous model.
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Ten years or so ago, I accompanied a mate whose eye had been caught by a clean looking mk2 Astra GTE 16v on a small indie dealer forecourt.
It was indeed a clean example, but on starting the engine, the lumpy, misfiring tickover and death rattle from the valvegear implied serious impending doom.
After 30 seconds, the engine was still clattering away merrily and rocking so violently on its mounts it looked like it was making a bid for freedom.
Me: "What's up with that, then?"
Dealer (broad Cockney accent): "Let the oil get raaahnd, she'll be sweet as a nat in a minute"
Cheers
DP
--
04 Grand Scenic 1.9 dCi Dynamique
00 Mondeo 1.8TD LX
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On the same theme, in the village when I was a kid:
Sign in little office of garage/filling station -
'We have an arrangement with National Westminster (bank next door): We don't cash cheques and they don't sell petrol'.
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On looking at a white fiesta back in the '80's with red rust in every seam...'All white cars bleed a little, sir'
On looking at a MK2 escort... ' If I was to sell one car on this forecourt to my brother, it would be that one, sir'. Funnily enough, I did buy it and it turned out ok.
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Chatting, after looking at a car on a forecourt... and expressing an interest..
Salesperson: Could you leave a deposit on that one sir?
Me: What from here?
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Another common one:
"XXXX (insert maker name) say that the problem is not bad enough to repair under warranty" - Basically saying that "your peace of mind warranty" only covers items which cause your car to stop completely,not items that make strange horrible noises.
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On the subject of signs...
"This establishment is protected by shotguns 3 days per week. You guess which days"
-------------------
VW Bora (51) 2.0 SE
VW Touran (54) 1.9 TDI
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service receptionist to technician at 5 minutes to 12 ( 12 being lunch time )
can you just.....
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"I don't like the sound of that squire, that's going to cost...".
--
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My Dad whilst enquiring about servicing his Rover at the main dealer many years.
The chap at the desk explained that it cost more to service his as it's an automatic (honda engine).
"It's not twice as much" he explained before quoted a figure twice the amount if had been a manual.
--
Its not what you drive, its how you drive it! :-)
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Not strictly customer and trade, but in similar vein. This incident took place a few years ago, which explains the model of car.
A meeting between a sales manager and his salesmen. A number of matters are discussed, among them is the choice (or lack of it) of company car.
Salesman (stroppily): Why do we always have 2 door escorts?
Manager: They don't make 1 door escorts.
(Curtain)
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Keep the oil and change the car.
GB
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Not sure I can get this one past the filter but here goes,
Me on service desk : And what seems to be the problem sir?
Customer in broad irish accent : the wailing rocker's ragged!
As you say wouldn't go past the filter, it also tripped the random word generator - beta version
Edited by Pugugly {P} on 07/12/2007 at 18:04
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service reception ringing me for delay,
"Its not ready yet there are 24 nuts to put on" ( Auto transmission oil change)
Me, "There are only four"
Service reception ...long pause..... followed by, "Oh"
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I take no credit for my petulance in this three way exchange but have to give a nod to the guy in the queue behind me.
Me - ( after waiting five weeks for my inoperative Espace to be fixed ) " can you give me an update on when I might expect my car to be ready please ? "
Service Receptionist - " Well we still havn't received the parts from France I'm afraid, so..... its hard to say "
Me - " Coming by wheelbarrow are they ? "
Guy in Queue - " Y'know I was wondering why Renault always does so well in those NCAP thingies ? I s'pose its because if you can't drive them they aren't going to crash in the first place!"
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From an old car dealer, on the subject of blatently ripping off his customers.
"If God had not wished them shorn - then He would not have made them sheep...."
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Service Desk on me asking whether my wife's car was ready - "Just check for you now sir" ----- 3 minutes later-----"It's having it software updated the computer's backing data up as we spek"
Me - "So is a Bluetooth set up you've got then ?" pointing at the forecourt where her car was parked.
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